


I am Yours and You are Mine

by dvorahbee



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Eventual Smut, First Dates, Friends to Lovers, High School, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nooreva as well, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, eventual, frustrating af, idk how to tag this, kind of, you've been warned!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-04 02:58:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12160155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvorahbee/pseuds/dvorahbee
Summary: Isak's starting his second year at Nissen, his friends, Jonas, Mahdi and Even, are back from their summer holidays, everything is completely normal. Except. Even's got himself a new girlfriend. Isak doesn't know how to deal with these newborn feelings he seems to be having for Even (a boy!!! *pretends to be shocked*). Basically, I like to make myself suffer? They're both pining and idiots.





	1. Last Summer

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first work for the Skam fandom, and basically the first ever work on my AO3 account, so if it feels a little weird that'll be why. I hope you'll like this story. I didn't change much, in that I mean that they're still in secondary school, but Even is not bipolar in this work because I wouldn't know how to properly write this and don't want to write shit, basically. Both Isak's and even's point of view there. I thought I'd be more comfortable writing from Isak's point of view, but after a few chapter I found myself more comfortable with Even, go figure. Also, yeah, no Magnus and Vilde because I wouldn't know how to fucking write them, to be honest.  
> I don't know where this is going yet, but I've got a few chapters up my sleeve already, so we'll see. I'm a bit insecure about my writing techniques as I'm not a native English speaker, so I hope there won't be too many mistakes or anything, and if something is weird, please tell me. Also I'll add tags as I go.  
> I hope you enjoy ;)

ISAK

Isak woke up to a loud banging on his door, and a voice telling him to wake the fuck up or he would be late for school. Eskild was both a blessing and a curse. After staying in bed for fifteen minutes more, he threw on black jeans, a white shirt and his jacket, brushed his teeth quickly, put his beige snapback on his blond curls, and was out of the house, already late to take the tram to school. It was the first day of his second year of secondary school. He had never been a big fan of school in itself, but had always liked learning new things, and the fact that he had a squad to hang out with was a bonus. Speaking of squad, he’d go back to hanging with them, and Even, as he was repeating his third year. Thank G-od for that, or the year would be really boring. He was finally in the tram when he thought about this summer. He hadn’t had enough money to go on vacation elsewhere like Jonas or Even did, so he had worked in a coffee shop all summer. He rearranged his jacket on his shoulders, puffing out a breath, happy not to work there during the school year. 

When he got out of the tram and arrived he saw Jonas and Mahdi talking in the schoolyard, and walked towards them.

“Boys!”

“Dude!” Jonas exclaimed as he gave him a tight hug. They hadn’t seen each other in a little over a month, it was good to see him.

“What’s up?” Mahdi asked as he clapped his hand in Isak’s.

“Eh, not much, already looking forward to the next holidays.” As the three of them laughed he felt a hand clapping on his shoulder, he looked around and smiled. Even had arrived. He hugged Even around his denim jacket, not as tight as he had Jonas, but still. Even smiled at him, and turned around to greet the other boys. 

“How good does it feel to be back together? I missed you all this summer,” Even exclaimed, while looking around them, his eyes remaining on Isak a second more, and okay. He was as so sappy, Isak rolled his eyes.

“Dude you were in Spain all summer, you didn't miss us one bit I'm sure,” Mahdi said and they all laughed. After that they fell into a comfortable conversation that was interrupted by the bell.

 

The first morning classes went by slowly, Norwegian was boring, but he had biology in the afternoon, his favourite subject, and he liked to annoy the hell out of Sana, his bio partner. When noon came, he went to the cafeteria and sat down at a table with his lunch, he knew the boys would be coming soon anyway. He was eating his sandwich and scrolling through Instagram when they all sat down. Isak looked up, but he didn’t see Even.

“Even’s not with you?”

“Dude, I completely forgot you weren’t with us!” Jonas exclaimed, he seemed excited, for some reason. “So, picture this: us waiting in front of our class with Even, the nerd was telling us about some film he watched this summer before going to his class, when suddenly someone calls out for him, we turn around and there’s this short-haired blonde chick who’s hugging Even.”

“I thought Jonas's jaw was going to fall on the floor.” Mahdi jokes.

“Shut up, man. She was hot and Even was like so surprised and he looked so happy and they started talking about the summer, and apparently, they spent it together, maybe they hooked up.” He said as he waggled his brows.

“They definitely did, didn’t you see the look in Even’s eyes, I’ve never seen it. The dude’s always so careless about who he hooks up with I though he had no feelings whatsoever, but man, this girl might have changed him.” Mahdi said, and something uneasy settled in Isak’s stomach. He swallowed and tried to forget about it while they continued eating and chatting. Even arrived a few minutes later, a blonde girl following him.

“Guys, this is Sonja. Sonja you’ve met them this morning, and this is Isak.” Even said to the girl – Sonja, apparently – and gestured towards him. She nodded her head to him, he gave her a small smile, not sure what was happening, but then he saw how Even’s and Sonja’s hands were brushing together and how Even was not moving away. Isak stomach churned, as Even started telling them how they met this summer and how they spent almost every day together, all the while starting to take Sonja’s hand. Isak felt sick. He stood up abruptly. They all looked at him strangely. He picked up his stuff, mumbling something about class and walked away quickly. He went straight to the bathroom, and splashed fresh water on his face. He didn’t know what the hell was happening to him but it needed to stop. He arrived in his biology classroom before everyone else, and put his head on his arms, thinking. He was so confused that he didn’t even annoy Sana during their biology class.

 

EVEN

Even was in Math class, trying to focus and to listen to what the teacher was saying but his head was drowning in so many thoughts. It had been so good to be back with the boys and, particularly Isak. He had decided, before the summer, that he would do something about his hopeless crush at the beginning of the year and he had been determined to. But he’d met Sonja this summer in Barcelona and they had spent every day together, and Even managed to almost forget about Isak for a month. Admittedly, it had been easier being away from him to do so, but being with Sonja helped him do that. It had felt so good not to feel lost and like he was missing something all the time. He hadn’t talked about him, and it didn't matter because she was so kind, and funny, and beautiful. His summer had been a break from his real life, and the stress that came with it. When he saw Sonja in Nissen he’d been struck by surprise, and happiness, although the boys had made fun of him. Introducing Sonja to Isak during lunch had been nerve-wracking, he had intended for Sonja to sit with them, and was on the verge of taking her hand in his to pull her towards the table when Isak had left quickly without a glance towards any of them. It had been awkward, and none of the boys knew what was going on. Even took it upon himself to find out during his most boring class of the day, so he texted him, his phone hidden underneath the table.

Even: Hey, what’s wrong?  
Isak: Nothing’s wrong.  
Even: Why did u left lunch then?  
Isak: I had class.  
Even: You didn’t for another thirty minutes. Tell me what’s going on with you?  
Isak: I’m just tired.  
Even: Couldn’t sleep last night?  
Isak: Nah  
Even: Wanna come to mine and chill after class? I’m sure a lil jay would relax you for tonight ;)  
Isak: Tempting but I think I’ll go straight home after class.

Even stared at the last text from Isak and frowned. Smoking was their thing, Isak almost never refused to smoke with him. Sure, they would smoke with the boys at parties and such, but smoking together was how they had grown closer and became friends, and it was, for both of them, their way to relax, no matter what was going on in their lives. His felt his phone vibrate again, he hoped it was Isak, but it was Jonas telling them on their group chat there was a "back to school" party at Eva’s tonight and that they would pre-game at his house. He saw that Isak was typing and waited for his answer.

Isak: Nah dude I think I’ll pass this one, have fun  
Jonas: Dude, you can’t miss the first party of the year, you’re probably going to find someone to hook up with. I heard Emma’s going, and it’s an opportunity for mah boy Even to show off Sonja as his girlfriend

Even grimaced at his phone. Isak’s answer was quick to come.

Isak: I’ll come for Emma then, but not for your ugly asses

Even closed his eyes and locked his phone as other texts were coming in. Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing that Sonja had transferred to Nissen, after all. He typed a quick text to Sonja, inviting her, and put his phone away as the bell rang. As he left the room for his next class, he decided that the party will be good, and that he’ll enjoy it no matter what. 

He met Sonja in front of Eva’s house. Even took her hand and they went in together. The party had apparently been going on for a while now, judging from the people dancing together and making out everywhere. Eva didn’t seem to mind as she was making out with Vilde against the wall of the living room, which had been transformed into a dance-floor for the night. He told – screamed, some Justin Bieber shit was pumping through the speaker – Sonja that he was going to look for his boys, and she decided to come with. They found them in the bathroom, smoking from a makeshift bong in the bathtub. They greeted him with slow smiles, whistling at them and their locked hands, laughing, they definitely were already high. Sonja started telling them that it wasn’t healthy to smoke weed and whatnot. In the midst of her speech, Isak stood up, inhaled from the bong like his life depended on it, passed it over to Mahdi, exhaled the smoke with the side of his mouth while looking at Even and Sonja.

“Whatever,” he said and went out of the bathroom.

“What the hell?” Jonas exclaimed, speaking for all of them.

It was only later that he came out of the bathroom to look for Sonja. She had gone to search for her friend Lise not long after Isak had left. Even had smoke what was left and was himself a bit high. He giggled at the thought, maneuvering himself through the house. He came into the kitchen and seemed to sober up in the blink of an eye, feet screeching to a halt. Isak was standing in the middle of the kitchen, making out lazily with Emma, his hands on her hips, her hands in his hair. Isak’s eyes weren’t closed, and they turned to his direction. He seemed to shake himself up because he closed his eyes and brought Emma closer to his body. Even clenched his fists and went out of the house without looking back.


	2. Mess Me Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak tries to get his shit together with the help of our favourite Guru, and Even is confused af.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my G-od, thank you for the love I've received on this fic already! It had first started as a joke and now I'm knee deep in it, oh well. I'm publishing this chapter super early (or late, depending where you are) because I'm going to have a super busy day with uni (even if it's Saturday). Mistakes are more than possible in this one, I edited it, kind of, but at the same time I did my make-up and kept an eye on the clock, so. I realise that Even's part is wayyy shorter than Isak's, but I felt like this chapter was more about Isak coming out, and starting to do things for himself for once. The next one will be longer for our precious angel, Even. Alsoooo, yes, Even is pansexual in this fic, because he is, fuck those people who say he's bisexual, I'll fight them. But anyway, here's the second chapter, hope you'll enjoy, and as always, tell me what you think of this one.

ISAK

The first week back passes in a blur of classes, parties, alcohol, and hook-ups. It’s Friday evening, and Isak decided that he was still going to pre-game at Mahdi’s, even though Even and Sonja were going to be there. They had made it official the second day back at school, and he had forced a tight smile on his face as Even had told him and the boys about it. What he couldn’t handle, however, was when Sonja arrived and they started making out in front of him. That was becoming a problem. 

He had always felt something a little bit more than friendship for Even, not in the same way that it was with Jonas. Jonas felt like his brother, Even felt like…something else. He never acknowledged how he felt and pushed it as deep as he could. Both him and Even kept having casual hook-ups with random people at parties, and it was fine, he felt nothing for them, and Even apparently never felt anything for the people he hooked up with either. But now he had a girlfriend. A freaking girlfriend, whom he looked at with bright eyes, and now all Isak was feeling was a burning jealousy that he did not understand so he swallowed hard every time he felt it, which was often. So, he did what he thought could numb that terrible feeling. He went to more parties, drank more, hooked up more. He had stopped smoking, because it brought him back to the moments when he and Even smoked together and he couldn’t deal with that. 

So, there he was dancing at some second-year girl’s party, a body grinding in front of him. He thought it might be Sara, but he wasn’t sure, the alcohol was clouding his mind. She turned around looking at him with hungry eyes, but he turned his eyes around the room, looking for something else, someone else. He found it in a second, as if his eyes had a life of their own and were magnetically attracted to Even’s presence. Even was leaning against a wall, had Sonja was pressed tightly against him, and they were making out, yet again. Isak swallowed down the bile that threatened to come out at the sight. He turned his head just a little, capturing Sara’s mouth in his, kissing her. She closed her eyes and made a tiny noise of surprise. He didn’t close his eyes, kept staring at Even, and hating him for making him feel like he did. Even eyes suddenly opened and found him in a second. Isak’s closed his eyes instantly and kept kissing Sara, the alcohol making him bolder and number, he started opening his mouth and Sara moaned at the feeling of his tongue against hers. He felt nothing, but continued. Suddenly, she pulled back, took his hand and pulled him towards the bathroom. One in there she crushed her lips against his, he didn’t mind, his back was against the door and it was uncomfortable, but it still was a welcome distraction from his head, his thought, his feelings. But then she sank down onto her knees and started rubbing his crotch, and all he could think about when he closed his eyes was Even. He opened his eyes pushed Sara off, and went out of the house, practically running. When he arrived a street away from there, he was almost hyperventilating. He bent over a bush and threw up, tears in the corners of his eyes. This was definitely a new low for him.

 

He hardly slept the night following the party, just turning around in bed rethinking his whole life and what a mess it was, what a mess he was. There was a knock on his door, and a muffled voice. Isak didn’t get what the voice was saying so he told it to “fucking come in already.”

“Good morning, my little ray of sunshine!” Eskild exclaimed, too loud and happy for Isak’s liking.

“The hell d’you want?”

“It’s almost 11, and we’re cooking lunch, Noora’s friends are coming over. You should get ready, probably shower because you stink, and join us.”

“Hard pass.” Eskild frowned. Not at the usual grumpiness, but at the lack of insult that usually came his, or anyone’s, way. He then sat on Isak’s bed, looking at him carefully.

“What’s wrong?” A long silence passed, and Isak closed his eyes and mouth. He didn’t want to have this conversation on a Saturday morning. “Look, I’m here for you whatever’s happening in your angsty teenager life. You can talk to me.” He said this as he was walking towards the door to get out and Isak thought, fuck it.

“Wait.” He said to Eskild, who stopped and turned around. “Just, can you come and sit down please, you’re stressing me out. And stop fucking staring at me.” Eskild smirked and came back to his sitting position. 

“So?”

“Look, I, um, do you…” Well, this was going great. Isak couldn’t find his words, and didn’t where to start. “I’ve been acting weird lately.” He stated, because he knew that, and it probably was the start he was searching for.

“Weirder than usual, yes, go on.” Eskild said motioning vaguely with his right hand. 

“Okay, I’m going to tell you something, and please stay quiet until I’m done, otherwise I’m never going to get it out.” Eskild nodded. “Right. You see, Even has got himself a…girlfriend.” His voice cracking at that word. “They met this summer, and they seem pretty happy, and are official and all that shit. I want to be happy for him, but I can’t seem to be able to. Like every time I look at them my stomach turns, it twists every time they hold hands, and every time they kiss I feel sick. I pushed it down and I started to hook-up with more girls than usual to see if I could just feel something else, but I just feel…numb. But, yesterday a girl tried to, um, you know, on her knees.” Isak’s cheeks were flushed, he hated talking about this stuff, but now it was worse. He cleared his throat. “But, um, all I could see when I closed my eyes was, well, it was Even. I freaked out. Like, I’ve felt there was something a bit more than friendship between us before but I never let myself think about it because you know how my father is, and how religious my mother is, and I’m not like you, and I’m just. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. Even is happy, I want him to be happy, but all I feel is sadness, jealousy, and fuck, I think, I think I kind of, sort of, want to be with him…?” When he was done, he was slightly panting, and his eyes were stuck to a point on his bed, he refused to look at Eskild, he felt so ashamed of what he’d said.

“Isak.” Eskild’s voice was soft, like he was talking to a scared animal. “First of all, I think the numbness you’re talking about is partly due to the fact you keep getting fucked up at parties. You need to stop that, my soft child. Second of all, I hear you about Even, and I want you to know there’s absolutely nothing to feel ashamed off. Your feelings are valid, even if it’s for a boy. Do you hear me? Fuck what other people think. I know you grew up in an unhealthy environment for you to think like that but I need you to try and go past it. I know you have this stereotype in your head of what a gay guy is, and by what you said I suppose that stereotype is me. First, screw you, I’m fabulous. Second, please realise there are so many types of gay guys it could blow your mind, and not in a fun way….well, maybe in a fun way. Anyway! You can still be the grumpy lazy asshole I know you are, while being attracted to boys. It doesn’t change you. Well, it does, in the way that you’ll feel more free, more at liberty with yourself, you’ll be more open, and happier. And, Even.” He sighed at that. “I know it feels like shit right now, but it’ll eventually get better, I swear. If Even is happy with his girlfriend, then you need to be happy for him. Your feelings are not going to disappear in an instant. From what you told me they’ve been there for a long time, and it’ll take time for them to dissipate. But please, don’t close yourself up. You need distractions other than alcohol and meaningless hook-ups. If hanging out with Even and his girlfriend, or even just him make you feel like shit, then hang out with other people. More reasons to come have lunch with us, keep your mind occupied for a few hours, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay. Thank you, Eskild,” Isak said, his voice trembling, and teary eyed. Talking to Eskild had already lifted a tiny weight off of his shoulders. 

Over the next few weeks, Isak hung out less and less with the boys and more and more with Eva, Sana and Noora. Since that day after he had talked with Eskild life became just a tiny bit easier. Seeing Even with Sonja still hurt like hell. But, since that evening when he had gotten a little drunk with the girls and he had told them he was gay and they had hugged him, hanging out with them had an effect on him. A good one. He felt lighter. They didn’t judge him. They talked about something else than hook-ups, compared to his boys, and were actually aware of his painful crush for Even. Well, not Even, he hadn’t told them it was him, just a boy. It was still hard, but it was getting easier, day by day, minute by minute. 

 

EVEN

The next first weeks passed quickly. Even was relatively happy. He went to class, went to parties, got high with the boys, hung out with Sonja. Life was pretty good. There was only one slight breach to his happiness – Isak. He had almost completely stopped hanging out with them, as in the boys and him. When he did, he almost never spoke. And did not hang out with him, as in alone with him, anymore. He had tried to text him but Isak’s answers were always so curt that he sent less and less texts, just a meme here and there, and sometimes Isak would even send one back. These meme exchange always gave him a little hope. That was why he wass currently outside of Isak’s Norwegian class on Monday morning to ask him if they could hang out. As soon as the bell rang, Even looked around the people who were getting out the classroom and spotted Isak’s hair. He called his name from where he was leaning against the wall. 

“Isak!” Isak’s eyes widened a little in shock and saw Even. His face was unreadable as he walked towards him.

“Hey!” Isak said in a tone that was as impassive as his face.

“So, I was wondering if you wanted to come play Fifa after school, and maybe smoke a little? It’s been a while.” Even said with a small smile, hope was eating its way out. 

“Sorry, it would’ve been fun, but I already promised I’d hang out with Eva at her house, sorry. But anyway, I need to go to my next class. See you later!” Even watched him go, feeling defeated. He felt it until lunch, where it intensified. When he arrived at their table, Jonas and Mahdi only were there. 

“Where’s Isak?” Even asked, as he sat down with his own lunch.

“He told me he’d eat with the girls today.” Jonas told him.

“The girls?”

“Yeah, Eva, Noora and Sana.”

“Since when does he eat lunch with them?” Even asked. He was confused, and Jonas answered only with a shrug, which did not help. What the hell was happening. He scanned over the cafeteria with his eyes when he spotted Isak. He was sitting with the girls, and laughing with his right arm around Eva, who was also laughing. Even grimaced as jealousy came back as soon as it had left a few weeks earlier. He didn’t have time to think too long about it as Sonja arrived, giving him a peck on his lips. Fuck, why did he still feel like that about Isak when he had this gorgeous, kind girl in front of him. He put an arm around Sonja's shoulder and tried to bury his thoughts, for now at least.

 

It was only later, when he was in his bed, doodling on a piece of paper that he allowed himself to think about what happened today. His relationship with Isak had been different from the ones with the boys, right from the beginning. Isak had been shy and slow to open up. It had taken Even several smoking sessions for Isak to casually talk to him properly. And the more they got to know each other, the friendlier they became. The issue was that Even had started to feel more than friendly towards Isak at one point, if not at the beginning. 

The problem was not that his weird affectionate feelings were directed towards a boy. He had figured he was pansexual when he’d been 15. The problem was that Isak always hooked up with girls, talked about it with Jonas, Mahdi, and him. He also never really reciprocated the innocent little touches Even gave him. He harboured a hopeless crush for his friend, who had no idea, and it hurt. So, when Sonja, his summer friend, and hook-up, showed up he saw it as an opportunity to maybe try to get over Isak. But it didn’t mean he had stop being friend with Isak, it had worked just fine until he stopped hanging out with them. And that Eva. What the hell was going on between them? He recalls him and Jonas saying they used to be best friends when Jonas was with Eva, but they had stopped. And now Isak was…what? Hanging out with them? Going to Eva’s house? 

The prospect of Isak having a girlfriend did nasty things to Even’s stomach, and heart. He felt like a damn hypocrite. He was trying to get over Isak by trying to have a regular girlfriend while being a jealous prick at the possibility of Isak having one. He would have to think more about that at a later time because right now Sonja was calling him, so he sighed and picked up is phone.


	3. The Elephant in the Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak hangs out with the girl squad, Noora is a badass babe, Sana is the best, P-Chris makes his entrance, Even is frustrated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, third chapter! Thank you all for the kudos and love. I know it's confusing and frustrating, and whatnot, but what's the point if everything gets resolved quickly, then, I'd have nothing to write, am I right or am I right? 
> 
> Okay, oops, once again there is more Isak than Even in here, I'm sorry? I keep promising more but I keep writing more Isak gosh dang it. Next chapter, this time I'll keep my promise.  
>  I wanted me some girl squad, Noora is my badass baby, no fucking Noorhelm here, no thank you. P-Chris, yes, I know, cliché shit we've seen it in a shit load of fics but I'm persuaded that he's bisexual, so sue me, Isak's going to explore his attraction to boys with him, sorry, not sorry. Also, YES I KNOW that Even needs to break up with Sonja, it's not fair to anyone involved, but I need it for the plot, but don't worry it won't be present in many chapters, no spoilers. 
> 
> I just want to add that I have LOADS of things to do for uni, and I haven't finished writing chapter 4 yet, so the wait might be a little longer for this one. But I hope you'll enjoy this one anyway and sorry if there are mistakes ;)

ISAK

 

Isak was currently sitting on Eva’s bed, listening to her, Noora, and Sana talk. He’d been there for an hour and it felt so relaxing to listen to them talk and laugh, he didn’t even feel the need to smoke weed to relax. That was new to him. That’s how he had felt more comfortable around Even when he came first into their group. He had been the cool guy with his denim jacket, his Rayban sunglasses and his blond quiff, and Isak had been a nervous mess. But smoking had somehow become their thing. They would hang out after class, without the guys, smoke, and talk about anything and everything, laughing their asses off about stupid stuff. Being friend with Even felt good. He missed him. He missed talking with him. He missed how comfortable they were around each other. But the Sonja thing messed everything up and forced him to discover his own feelings. For a guy. He was very slowly coming to term with being gay. Even if he had a hard time saying it out loud. The girls helped, each in their own ways. They were currently mocking William.

“No, but, the guy is such an asshole.” Noora was saying, rolling her eyes.

“You should’ve seen it, Sana. Oh my G-od, it was BRILLIANT! He was all broody and mysterious and like ‘so are you coming to mine to do homework then?’ and Noora completely shut him up.” Eva was flailing her arms around looking between Noora and Sana. The latter was looking at them with a slight smile, and throwing looks at Isak, who was himself smiling at the situation. “She told him that he was a presumptuous asshole who had an inferiority complex and that he should stop walking around like a fucking cliché. It was amazing!”

“He better not come back, I have more where it came from.” Noora said, smiling at Eva.

“Well done, Noora,” Sana said, smiling. “He toys with girls like they are objects, and he walks around the school like he’s the coolest guy there. It was time someone put him in his place. Don’t you think so, Isak?”

“Sure.” Isak answered. He had actually never thought about what William was doing or what kind of douche he was, because, honestly, he couldn’t care less. Apparently, he should’ve.

“That’s right,” Sana said, nodding her head. “You also used to toy around with girls, right?”

“I hooked up with some, yes.” Isak said. It was hard for him to think about that now that he was coming to term with his sexuality. “But, like, I never said anything about long term, it was always during party, and I was always drunk, high, or both, so.”

“But you’re gay,now?” Eva asked.

“Eva.” Noora said warningly. 

“It’s alright,” Isak said, he knew Eva didn’t mean any harm, she was as evil as a butterfly. “I mean, I think I always have been? I don’t know, I always felt absolutely nothing with every girl I hooked up with. And now that I realised what is wrong with me I kind of don’t want to do that anymore.”

“Isak, you’re aware there’s actually nothing wrong with you, right?” Sana asked, and when Isak opened his mouth, she just continued speaking. “I’m going to repeat it because apparently, your tiny brain only has space for biology – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. Like, bang whoever you want, nobody cares. And if someone does say something, point them out to me.” Fuck, Isak loved Sana so much in that moment. He closed his eyes for a second, taking in what she had just said, but a thought struck him.

“Thanks, Sanasol, but aren’t you supposed to be religious? I’m pretty sure Islam is not fond of boys with boys and girls with girls.”

“Islam says the same thing as it always did. It loves everyone equally, and whoever says otherwise is just scared…or an asshole.” Sana was looking at Isak, and he was smiling a small smile as if to thank her silently. He thought about his mum for a second, but Noora cut those in an instant.

“So. Do you have a crush on anyone?” She asked, her eyes full of mischief.

“Er- no, I mean, what?” Oh, Isak, as articulate as ever.

“Ooooh Isak, you have to tell us!” That was Eva, eager to hear some gossips.

“Well. There’s, er, someone, but it’s totally one sided, I’m pretty sure he only likes girls, and he has a girlfriend, so.” 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell us who it is, Isak. But you know that we won’t judge or tell them, don’t you?” Sana asked, full of compassion.

“I know, thanks. But I just, I want to forget about it, to get over it.” Because it hurt to think about Even, about Even and Sonja. He just wanted to think about something else.

“Why don’t you go out with your squad then?” Eva asked. The truth was that Isak felt uncomfortable with them now. They always talked about who they hooked up with or whatever, and he just didn’t feel like talking about that, and every time Jonas or Mahdi asked him if he’d gone down on a girl, or something, he felt like screaming in their face that no he hadn’t, wouldn’t. That was part of why he’d stopped hanging out with them as much as before. The other reason was that Even and Sonja looked happy, and he couldn’t bring himself to be happy for him. So, he was pushing them away. Noora must’ve noticed the change in his mood because she saved him from Eva’s question.

“Doesn’t matter right now, does it? We have a party to go to, and you’re going to come with us! Come on, let’s go and dance until we can’t feel our feet!”

 

The party was so full, Isak could barely breathe, but he still danced with Noora and Eva, as Sana was watching them, smiling, leaning against the wall. When he was feeling a bit dizzy he went to lean against her, laughing and smiling. Tonight was a good night. He was talking with Sana, when someone put their hand on his shoulder. It was Chris. Third-year Chris.

“Hi, Isak.” He said looking at him up and down. Isak felt himself blush and muttered a greeting back. “Fancy dancing?”

That is how Isak found himself dancing in a sea of teenagers, his back pressed to Chris. The music was pumping through the speakers, and the air was heavy with booze and sweat. Too heavy, Isak turned around so he was facing Chris. They danced for what felt like an hour, looking in each other’s’ eyes, Chris smirking, and Isak reeling in what he was feeling – attraction, happiness, giddiness, everything he hadn’t felt before. 

It was only later that night, when he was laying in his bed that he really thought about it. The numbness was starting to go, slowly but surely. He’d loved dancing with Chris. Nothing else happened because Isak wasn’t ready for everyone to know. He wasn’t ready to start kissing boys at parties. But, he mostly wasn't ready to give up hope on Even, even though he said to everyone he was trying to get over it. People would talk, and it’d come to Jonas’s, Mahdi’s or even Even’s ears, and he definitely didn’t want that to happen. His phone pinged with a new text. It was Even. Shit. He felt himself panic at Even’s words.

Even: Enjoyed the party tonight?

Shit, shit, shit. How did he know? Was he there? Did he see him dancing with Chris? He was almost fully freaking out when another text came in.

Even: Eva texted Jonas when we were playing FIFA and said you were at some party.

Isak allowed himself to breathe out for a moment.

Isak: Yeah, it was cool.

Even: Ah, it speaks!

Even: I thought you’d taken a vow of silence or something.

Isak: Hilarious.

Even: So how was the party?

Isak was starting to type a reply when a text from an unknown number came in.

Unknown number: Was nice to dance with you tonight, pretty boy.

Isak: Who is it?

Unknown number: Did you dance with someone else than me? I’m hurt.

Isak: Chris?

Unknown number: Ding ding ding!

Isak: How the hell did you get my number? I don’t remember giving it to you.

Chris: I have my ways.  
Chris: So, pretty boy, am I going to see you again at school?

Isak: No.

Chris: Harsh.  
Chris: I guess I’ll see you at the next party then ;)

Isak didn’t answer to that text. He locked his phone, sighed, and closed his eyes. Maybe Chris was what Isak needed to get over his feelings for Even. He wasn’t sure, but he felt anxious, in a good and bad way. He fell asleep a few minutes after.

 

EVEN

 

Even looked at the text bubble. Isak had received and read it, but it remained unanswered. He was growing more and more frustrated. He still didn’t know what was going on with Isak, why he was distant, why he didn’t come to their FIFA evenings, or pre-games. They hadn’t talked about it with the boys, but they would soon enough. His phone rang and he leapt to get it, hoping it was Isak but it was Sonja. He was disappointed for a second, before he shook his head and answered the call.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I know it’s late, but I can’t fall asleep.” Sonja said in a small voice.

“It’s alright, me neither. We can talk for a bit.”

“What were you doing?”

“Waiting for Isak to answer my text.”

“He still not talking to you?” Even hummed positively. “Well, it’s his own loss if he doesn’t want to speak to you all anymore, but I think he’s a little bit weird.”

“You didn't even talked to him, maybe like once at that party.”

“Yeah, and he blew smoke in my face.”

“Our faces, actually” Even mumbled.

“Whatever, the weed might be getting to his head.” Even shook his head. Sonja wasn’t making an effort, but then again, neither was Isak. Fair was fair. They talked for another ten minute before Sonja started feeling sleepy. Once they had hung up, Even stayed awake until three in the morning, thinking. 

The weekend passed, he didn’t sleep well, and when Monday came he was exhausted. At lunch, Isak came to sit with them and was talking about Eva being drunk off her ass during the party they went to that weekend. 

“Shit, speaking of party. There’s one at Chris’s on Friday evening, you guys in?” Jonas asked.

“Duh,” Mahdi answered. “The dude knows all the girls in this school and others, I’m for sure coming. Isak?”

“Er- yeah, why not. I have a paper to write for Friday so I’ll celebrate that.” Isak answered. Even looked at him, and maybe Isak was back to his usual self? He didn’t know for sure, but he kept looking at him, lost in his thought. Isak turned to Even and met his eyes before Even realised Jonas was calling his name.

“Sure, I’ll come, even though Chris is a bit of an asshole.” Even said.

“Is he?” Isak said. Even took a tiny second to be happy that Isak was speaking to him, even though it was about fucking Penetrator Chris.

“Come on Isak, you’re aware that he’s an asshole to everyone and treats every girl like they’re objects.”

“Okay. What were you doing, then, hooking up with girls at every party we went to, then?” Isak said, a little edge on his voice.

“Well I didn’t fucking slept with them and promised them anything, did I?” Even was starting to get angry. How did that discussion turn on him, and how could Isak defend fucking Chris? Isak and him were sharing a tense look that Jonas broke by scratching his throat.

“Chill, guys. Who the fuck cares that it’s at Chris’s as long as there’s a place we can smoke with some music?” Jonas said. “Anyway. Let’s pre-game at my place at like 21:00.”

“No can do. I’ll meet you at the party. I got to go, see you later.” Isak said and left while they were all watching him with big eyes. They really needed to talk about what the fuck was going on with him.

 

That week Isak avoided them more than usual. Even tried not to feel guilty, but failed. Still, he didn’t know why Isak was fond of defending one of the biggest pricks in school all of a sudden. So when he was at Jonas’s on Friday evening he kept thinking about it and why Isak was so on edge and why he kept avoiding them. Mahdi’s voice broke him out of his daze.

“Okay we need to talk about the big elephant in the room.”

“The fact that you’re still single?” Jonas asked and they all laughed.

“No, dick. Isak.” That sobered them up quickly. “Do eitherof you idiots know what’s going on with him?”

“No, he won’t talk to me.” Jonas said, looking down.

“To me either.” Even answered.

“It started during that first week back to class, didn’t it?” Mahdi asked. Jonas and Even nodded. “Then, what the hell happened during that week?” They shrugged. “Okay, you know what, we need to talk to him, the three of us. We need to corner him at the party and ask what the fuck is wrong with him. I’ll send a text on the group chat.”

Mahdi: Isak u still coming to the party?

Isak: Yup.

Mahdi: Cool, we’ll meet u there.  
Isak: Ok

They left Jonas’s house at 22:00 and arrived to Chris’s party around twenty minutes later. It was in full swing as always. Some Russ music was playing loudly and people were dancing wildly. The guys decided to grab some beers before they went looking for Isak. They were leaning against a wall in the living room, the three of them scanning the room to try and find him. Even was slowly nursing his beer while looking around when he saw blond curls in the pool of people. He opened his mouth to tell Jonas and Mahdi he’d found him when he saw who Isak was dancing with. Chris. Even closed his mouth and starred. Isak was dancing with a boy. Fucking Penetrator Chris. He had his back to him and was almost fucking grinding against him. 

Even was still staring in shock when Isak threw his head back on Chris’s left shoulder, Chris who whispered something Isak’s ear. That’s how Even saw Isak leading Chris by his hand towards the back door. He took a few minutes to breathe and to try to understand what the fuck just happened. Isak was always hooking up with girls, he had never reciprocated Even’s touch, even though he was always shy around him at the beginning, he never showed any interest. Even was more frustrated than ever. He didn’t even bother to tell the guys where he was going, and went towards the back door, he decided he needed to talk to Isak alone. 

He stepped outside, the cold air blowing on his face, he shuddered and started to look for Isak. It didn’t take long to find him. He was standing a few metres away from Even, but he didn’t notice him. He was busy kissing Chris, full on making out with him. His hands were around Chris’s neck, the latter had his around Isak’s waist and Even saw that one of them was sliding underneath Isak’s shirt. Even’s eyes shot up to their faces again when he heard a noise coming from Isak, he was glued to his spot, watching them, and feeling like someone had punched him in the stomach. He let out a harsh breath, coughed, not loud enough for them to notice him, and ran out of there.


	4. We Need to Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of talking shit out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four, fina-fucking-lly! I was pretty fucking busy the last few days, so it was complicated for me to find time writing this chapter. I also wanted it to be well-written (as well-written as I can judge myself, which is not saying much) because important stuff's happening in this one so I didn't want to mess it up. I probably did, because I'm a flawed human being. As always, if there are mistakes or weird shit, tell me. But for now, ENJOY! And thanks for all the love on this, it's like a little break from uni ;)
> 
> Also please read my end notes.

ISAK

 

Isak was overwhelmed to say the least. He was currently making out with Chris, standing in his yard. Chris had his hand on his waist under his shirt, and his were around his neck digging in the skin there. He couldn’t describe what he was feeling right at this moment. He was feeling everything he hadn’t felt with girls. Chris’s tongue was intertwined with his own and he made a sound that he would be ashamed of later. Chris brought him even closer to his body, and it was like being struck by lightning. 

He opened his eyes and pushed Chris away gently. He’d forgotten where they were for a moment, and he certainly didn’t want to go further than that with Chris. He wasn’t ready for everyone to see. He hadn’t even talked to Jonas yet, and he was his best friend since they were kids for christ’s sake. 

“I’m sorry. I- I’m not ready for anyone to see us. To see me.”

“No big deal. See you later pretty boy,” Chris said, winking at him, and going back into his house.

Isak thought that the guy might have arrived at some point during their impromptu make-out session, but he didn’t feel like going back in there and pretending, and, G-od, was he tired of pretending. He shot a quick text to Eva to tell her he was leaving, and one to the group text to tell the boys he wasn’t feeling too well and stayed at home. With that he made his way back to the flat. 

It was once he was in his bed, scrolling aimlessly on his phone that he thought back to his last conversation with Even. He had a bit overreacted when Even had said Chris was an asshole. Isak knew that, accepted that. It was just the fact that hooking up with Chris, who was objectively good-looking, had made him feel a little more confident, and definitely helped to accept himself a bit more as well. Although, he knew he had to talk to the guys soon, he couldn’t avoid them forever. He missed them. But he was terrified they would reject him. It would destroy him, and he wasn’t ready for his imminent destruction. Tomorrow, he’ll tell them tomorrow and will be done with it.

 

The next day Isak chickened out. When he saw Jonas and Mahdi walking his way, without having seen him yet, he backtracked to the empty classroom just next to him. Right after he’d closed the door, it reopened and Chris appeared. Right after he made sure to close the door he took a step closer to Isak.

“Why are you hiding, pretty boy?” Chris asked Isak.

“I’m not fucking hiding. I just needed, um, to sit for a second.” Well, that was a lame excuse, kudos for this one Isak. He kept his pretence going and half sat against a table. Chris took a step closer to him and Isak knew where this was going but he wasn’t in the mood right now.

Chris put one of legs between Isak’s and stepped even closer. Isak could feel his warm breath hitting his cheek, and could feel his hands settling on his waist. Isak put his hand on Chris’s torso in order to push him away when the door opened suddenly. Before even knowing who it was, Isak harshly pushed Chris away, but it was a little too late. 

When Isak looked at who had come into the classroom he saw Even and Sonja looking at them. Sonja only looked puzzled, whereas Even’s eyes were piercing through Isak. Shit had just hit the fan, it seemed. Isak and Even were staring at each other. Isak was terrified, but all he saw in even’s eyes was a slight hurt. He seriously didn’t understand what was happening, he needed to get out of there. So when Sonja started to say something, Isak just left them all there, and almost ran to his next class. 

Once sat in maths, he took out his phone and saw that Even had texted him but he wasn’t ready for this conversation yet. So, he texted Eskild instead. Eskild would tell him what to do. Isak would never tell him to his face, but Eskild was like the big brother he never had, and he was so grateful for him. He knew he would know what to do right now.

Isak: Eskild, something happened, I’m freaking the fuck out. 

Eskild: What happened? Do you need me to come and get you in my nonexistent car?

Isak: Your nonexistent car wouldn’t be of any use then, would it?

Eskild: Don’t insult the car, and tell me what happened, baby gay. 

Isak: Stop calling me that, and I will.

Eskild: Nonsense, you love what I name you. Now, come on!

Isak: Okay, so, you know that thing about Even? Well, I’ve been trying to get over it.

Eskild: What do you mean, “get over it”?

Isak: Well, I’ve been hooking up with someone, a guy, to see if it wasn’t just Even at first, you know? Because maybe my problem was just my feelings for Even, and nothing else. But shit I thought hooking up might also get me over him and that it could stop it, sort of.

Eskild: Shit, Isak. This is some messed-up logic. This is why you need to come and talk to me about these things. 

Isak: Whatever, the point is: Even and his girlfriend kind of caught us in a classroom.

Eskild: Isak! Why were you having sex in a classroom in the first place?

Isak: Jesus fucking Christ, Eskild, I was NOT having sex, Chris just took me by surprise and I was going to push him away, we weren’t even kissing, for fuck sake. But what we were about to do couldn’t have been mistaken for something else, and Even fucking saw, and I don’t know what to do.

Eskild: You could talk to him, baby jesus. You could also stop this meaningless hook-up shit. I’m happy you’re accepting yourself, but you need to take care of that beautiful mind and body of yours, and it is not by messing around with people you don’t even like.

Isak: You’re such a drama queen. That’s not the point, but thanks anyway Eskild. At least I calmed down.

Eskild: TALK TO EVEN!

Isak: Bye, Eskild. 

Isak put his phone back in his pocket and tried to focus on his class, he couldn’t fuck up his grades. He would think about all this mess later. It turned out that later was after school when he decided to read Even’s text. 

Even: We need to talk. Come meet me in the park next to school at 16:15.

Shit. Okay, he could totally do this. He looked at his watched. 16:17. He had just come out of class, after all. He went to the park, hoping that Even would still be there. If he was going to do this now, he was going to do it properly. When he arrived there, he looked around, the park wasn’t big, and it was usually high-school kids that came here to chill, so he spotted Even easily. He was sitting against a tree, looking at his phone. Isak took a moment to look at him before walking his way. Even was wearing what he’d wore earlier, although Isak hadn’t noticed then, too busy freaking out. He was wearing black jeans, with his usual back trainers. His white shirt was underneath an opened grey hoodie. His hair looked at well styled as it always did. He looked so good. But Isak could do this, he really could. He arrived next to him and coughed for Even to notice him, which he did. He looked up and smiled.

“I was starting to think you weren’t going to come,” Even said.

“Well, I finished at 16:15, so,” Isak said as he sat next to Even, leaning back to the tree. 

“Okay, so I know this is awkward. We haven’t talked in forever, and what happened earlier, um,” Even scratched his throat. “Well, it made things even more awkward.” He must have seen Isak’s face fall because he rushed to say, “not in a bad way, I mean, I just. Ugh. I just want us to be friends like before, and I feel like what I saw today was important, and we need to talk about it. If you don’t want to, right now, I’ll respect it, but I just want you to know that I’m here when you’ll need to talk.” Even finished, watching Isak with so much kindness. Fuck. Isak could do it. He totally could. He just had to refrain from crying, or something as embarrassing.

“I want to tell you. I’m just, I’m so fucking scared of what you or Jonas or Mahdi will think of me.” Even opened his mouth so say something but Isak cut him short. “Just, let me finish, please.” He took a deep breath and kept talking. “When you came into the classroom earlier today I was with Chris because, um, because I’ve been, well, I hooked up with him like twice, and he thought I was going to hook up with him in school. He’s such an asshole, you were right, after all.” Isak allowed himself to smile a little at Even before looking back at his crossed legs on the grass. “Anyway. So that happened, that thing with Chris because, because- shit. Because I may like…boys.” He whispered the last words but he hoped Even heard because he wasn’t sure he could repeat it, not to Even. He was drowning in his internal turmoil when he felt Even’s hand on his knee, it was a gentle touch, as if he was afraid Isak might run. Isak looked at him and all he saw was Even gentle, deep blue eyes looking at him with nothing mean behind them. No hurt, no disgust. Isak released the breath he hadn’t realise he’d been holding. When Even spoke, his voice was kind, so kind.

“Isak, I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me, or the boys, anything. We’re your friends. Also, I may have never told you, because it actually never came up,” Even chuckled for some reasons. “But I’m pansexual. So you can tell me anything about boys, and I’ll be nothing but accepting. You could have two noses and four arms and I’d like you anyway, I mean you know, like it’s good to be you friend. Anyway! I’m glad you told me, but I want you to know you can trust me with this, you can also trust the boys.”

“I can’t tell the boys yet, I’m just not ready” Isak mumbled, still shaken by their conversation; It felt surreal. He could breathe a little easier than in the morning. There was something that intrigued him, though. “What’s pansexual?”

 

EVEN

 

“Pansexual is when you’re attracted to people instead of their gender. It’s how I feel. I don’t care if they’re guys, girls, nonbinary people, or whatever, if they’re nice and I feel a connection to them, then it’s easy peasy, well, in general” Even answered with a small smile. Isak nodded slowly. “Can I say something about what you just said to me, now?”

“Yes,” Isak answered. “Sorry, I just felt like if I didn’t get it out I might have never told you, or something.”

“I’m sure you would’ve done it at some point, come on. But, for what it’s worth I’m glad you told me. I'm happy you trust me enough to tell me. I want you to feel at ease with me. I want you to know that I’m here for you no matter what. Your friendship is important to me, you do know that, right?” Even asked in a little voice. Friendship was better than nothing, after all, he could do with it for now. Isak needed him right now.

“I do, and it’s important to me too,” Isak said, his cheeks slightly flushing. “I just. You know, it’s just such a mess inside my head. Like, I can’t fucking talk with you guys without one of you mentioning hooking up with girls, having sex with them, or whatever. Pretending is just fucking exhausting.” 

“You have to tell us, Isak. When it’s too much and bothering you. But I think once you’ll come out to them it’ll feel easier. Although, I’m pretty sur they won’t stop talking about hooking-up with chicks just for your sake, but, you know, you have to trust them, also.” Even told Isak. His heart was clenching for Isak. He thought he’d been a good friend but he hadn’t seen anything, and he should have insisted more for them to talk, because that what friends do, after all. He’d been so focused on his own problems and drama, that he didn’t think that Isak was having a crisis of his own, and he wasn’t even there for him. Well, now he fucking was. 

“I do trust them, it’s just- what if one of them hates me after I tell them? What if Jonas hates me after that?” Isak said in a rush of words, his voice trembling. Even was this close to just say fuck it and hug him for an hour. He looked terrified at the idea of his friends not accepting him. Even wished he could make Isak see what others saw in him, what he saw in him. The kind, wonderful boy he was.

“Just take it one step at a time, okay?” Isak nodded. “Cool. For now, we’re here, and we’re queer!” Even exclaimed with a huge smile. Isak snorted and laughed. Even looked at him laughing and it warmed his heart. He liked every version possible of Isak, but this one was the best. His laugh, his face, how it made his eyes shine, and how it made Even’s heart clench happily and with longing. He scratched his throat. “Anyway, what’s your thing with Chris? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but he’s Penetrator Chris, so I guess I’m a little confused here.” Even said. He was also jealous as fuck and sad, but Isak didn’t need to know that for now. 

“I mean, it’s not really anything, I don’t know. We hook-up sometimes at parties, and that’s it.” Isak said, shrugging, and pushing Even’s shoulder lightly. “But, anyway, what about you?”

“I’m sorry to tell you that you’re a few years late. I came out several years ago. It was pretty anti-climactic, to be honest. My mum was like ‘cool, could you pass the salt please?’ and that was it.” Even told Isak with a smirk.

“Har har, asshole. Not what I meant. But I was wondering something,” Isak said, and he was looking at his crossed legs, fidgeting with the hem of his jeans. Even tilted his head and looked at him some more, there was never enough time in the day to admire the beautiful boy that was Isak. But then Isak looked at him and Even felt himself blush. He was not one to blush easily, but he’d been caught looking. Shit. He smiled at the younger boy anyway, in lieu of encouragement for him to ask what was on his mind. “Have you ever hooked up with guys, then? I’m- um, well, I’m just wondering because, well, because, you know, I’ve never seen you with anyone other than girls.” That was unexpected. It took Even a few seconds to recover. He didn’t know how honest Isak wanted him to be. He just went for it.

"I have. Mind you, not since I’ve arrived to Nissen, but when I was in Bakka, yes. I was, what’s the right word? Exploring? Yeah. I was exploring my sexuality, kind of. I had told my mum I was pansexual because it was a feeling I had that even though I saw the differences between people around me, it didn’t matter to me who I would fall for. But I felt like, like, you know when you come out, you’ve got this feeling when you’re like, ‘shit why did I do that? If it turns out I’m only attracted to women, or just men, or both, and not everyone, everybody is going to think I’m a fraud.’ So, I started hooking-up with some boys, not many, because kids are not usually out at 15. Then, I met this amazing person in my art class, Sam, and they were all kinds of amazing.” Even saw Isak frowning so he explained. “I use they/them because they identified as nonbinary. I’ll tell you about it later. Anyway, they liked drawing shit as much as me, we made some films together for media studies, but we found out we were better at friendship than relationship. So, we stayed friends, and then I transferred to Nissen, so here I am.” Even finished, making a ta-da sound, and waggling his eyebrows.

“You talked about the confusion when you first came out about proving to other people that it wasn’t all bullshit. I didn’t, don’t, feel like that. I don’t feel like I have to prove anything to anyone. Either they accept me or they don’t.” Even threw him a sceptical look. Isak chuckled. “Well, you know, except for my friends, because it matters to me what my friends think of me because they're important to me. Or some shit.” Isak said, smirking. Even felt his heart flutter. Calm down, idiot. You’re just friends. 

“I still can’t believe you hooked up with fucking Penetrator Chris, though.” Even said to appease the tense atmosphere, but also himself. It worked. Isak laughed and pushed his shoulder.

 

In the end, they spent three hours at the park, talking, and it felt so good. Even laid in bed that evening and let his thoughts wander to everything that had happened in the day. The crushing discovery of Isak and Chris in that classroom, the poker face he had to put on in front of Sonja, the talk with Isak. He felt like texting him, so he thought “fuck it”, and did just that.

Even: I’m really happy we talked today :)

Isak: Me too :)  
Isak: I mean, it was hard as fuck, for sure.  
Isak: But it felt good to tell you. I feel lighter.

Even: Imagine if we’d been smoking, you’d have flew out of there.

Isak: Haha. No, I’m glad we didn’t, I would’ve probably said some things I’d be humiliated of later.

Even: Like what?

Isak: You don’t want to know.

Even: Oh, but I do, trust me ;)

Isak: I do trust you. But the stupid shit that comes out of my mouth sometimes could make me friendless, probably.

Even: Drama queen, much?   
Even: You couldn’t lose me over something you’d have said.

Isak: I’m not so sure about that.

Even: What’s this? Isak Valtersen, are you hiding something from me? 

Isak: Loads. You don’t have to know everything.

Even: I sure do when it comes to you.

Even pressed send before he even could think about it. When he saw it was delivered he felt the urge to throw his phone away. For fuck sake, he couldn’t even have a normal text exchange with isak without making a fool of himself. He put his face in his hands, groaned out loud, and threw himself on the bed. He felt his phone buzz. He was so afraid. He always felt liek he was transparent to Isak, that he would see through him and his stupid, stupid, feelings. He took his phone in his hand, read what Isak wrote and breathed more easily.

Isak: Secrets keep a little mystery in our lives, Even Bech Næsheim. Keep up ;)

Shit. He was so gone. That innocent wink smiley made his heart fluttered again, as it always did when it came to anything related to Isak. He felt a tiny bit of hope deep down. Maybe, just, maybe, with time, Isak and him could become something good. 

Even wasn’t sure of anything, but at least he knew one thing. He needed to stop fucking around with Sonja’s feelings when he clearly didn’t have any for her. Even sighed. Put his phone on his bedside table, laid back and hugged his pillow. If he fell asleep thinking about Isak, his lips and his small mole above them, nobody had to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Isak came out to Even. This is a HUGE stepping point for this story. I'm so stressed about what y'all are going to think about this. I had written a first version of this chapter this summer but the file got corrupted or whatever, and I was so bummed because it was kind of perfect back then. This one, well, I don't know. I feel like it could never level with the old one. I don't want to offend anyone in this chapter, and I hope I didn't. I included an imaginary nonbinary character, because why the fuck not? I don't see them enough in fanfic. The experience of coming out is Isak's and Even's alone, but some of Even's lines are from my own experience. But ANYWAY. If you want to hmu on Twitter, I'm @dvorahhal come and say hi!


	5. All About Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even have to power through some complicated, but needed, conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for chapter 5! Thank you all for the love, again, kudos and comments always make my day during my time at uni. Hope you enjoy this one <3

ISAK

 

Isak’s alarm had gone off ten minutes ago but his thoughts were all over the place so he felt like he needed a few minutes to himself before he’d join Eskild in the kitchen. His talk with Even had given him a lot to think about. He started thinking about Even hooking up with boys, and what if he had been one of those boys. What if they’d danced together at a party, smoked, and both feeling high and happy, would have started to make out, and Even’s hand would have slid underneath Isak’s shirt, and Isak’s hand would have been in Even’s hair. This daydream was cut short when Eskild barged into his room without even knocking. Isak groaned and put the comforter above his head.

“Morning morning, baby gay!” Eskild exclaimed, way too loud for seven in the morning.

“What d’you want?” Isak mumbled from under the cover. 

“I heard your alarm go off like fifteen minutes ago. What’s up?”

“Stalker much?”

“It’s hard to miss your phone hurling violent rap at seven in the morning, Isak. Now. Are you sick? Are you not going to school today?”

“Holy shit, Eskild. Tune down the dad-ness. I’m just…delaying it.” Isak answered as he finally pushed the comforted off of him.

“I’m too young to be a dad. I’m your older brother, at best. Or cool uncle. Or just guru. Why delaying?”

“I kind of came out to Even yesterday?” Isak mumbled and Eskild squealed.

“Oh my G-od, finally? How did it go? Did you declare your undying love for each other already?” Eskild asked while clapping his hands excitedly.

“Fucking hell, no. It went well, I guess. Remember he has a girlfriend? So, we won’t declare any fucking thing to each other any time soon.”

“Okay, grumpy. Why don’t you want to go to school then if it went well?” 

“Now I feel like I need to tell Jonas and Mahdi now. I feel weird with Jonas not knowing but I’m sort of terrified of his reaction, hence the delaying.” Isak replied shrugging. 

“Don’t worry Isak. I’m sure bushy brows won’t have any problem with your sexuality. If he does, send him to me I’ll knock some senses into him. Now, get up and go to school!” Eskild said, ruffling Isak’s hair and leaving.

 

Once at Nissen he didn’t get to see the boys until lunch. When he arrived in the cafeteria he saw them sitting at a table near a window. Isak felt stuck into his spot. He wanted to tell them, he really did. He was just so fucking afraid. It was dumb, but their opinion mattered so much, particularly Jonas’s. He was still staring at them and trying to decide whether to flee or not when Jonas saw him and gestured for him to come over. Isak walked over the table and sat next to Jonas. He mumbled his greeting to him and Mahdi and Even, who were sitting on the other side of the table.

Jonas nudged his elbow into Isak’s side. Looked at him. Jonas was smiling at him.

“Why the long face?” Jonas asked. 

“Ah, I just haven’t been sleeping well.” Isak saw Even frown, just as Jonas nodded and kept talking.

“So, dude, we haven’t seen you in a while, what’s up?” Mahdi asked. It was now or never.

“Well,” Isak started. “Okay, so, I haven’t been hanging out with you guys lately because…well, because I like someone.” Oh, shit. That wasn’t what he had planned to say, but here he was, and in Even’s presence. He was going to be so obvious that Even was going to be able to read him like a fucking book. 

During Isak’s inner freak-out the boys had all been looking at him silently. It was Jonas who spoke first. 

“Dude, finally! Who is it?”

“Guess.” Isak didn’t know where he was going with this. He needed to tell them it was a boy without telling them it was Even, considering he was sitting right fucking there.

“Ugh. You know I’m shit at guessing,” Jonas said. “Is it Emma?”

“Jesus, no. You know what? I won’t tell you who it is because it’s hopeless and I’m trying to get over it, so. But I’ll give you a hint.” Isak took a deep breath in, then another. “It’s a boy.” There. It was out. No pun intended, but so was he. The table was silent but as soon as he raised his eyes, the boys started to talk all at the same time, except Even. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell us who it is, for now. But you know that you can trust us, right?” Mahdi asked.

“Yeah, you can.” Even said, softly, looking at Isak. 

“I know. It just doesn’t matter for now. But, are you guys okay with it? With me? Liking, um, well, boys?” Isak was babbling shyly, he knew it, but he had to know his friends would accept him before he could fully accept himself.

“You do you, dude.” Mahdi said.

“You know we love you, whoever you dig.” Jonas told him, smiling kindly. 

“You already know I’m more than okay with it.” Even said, which earned him weird looks from Mahdi and Jonas. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jonas asked, his brows furrowed. Even and Isak shared a look. Even shrugged and Isak nodded to him. 

“Isak told me yesterday, no big deal.” 

After that, the conversation flowed easily and Isak allowed himself to breathe. They were okay. But Even needed to stop looking at him with those fucking kind eyes. Isak was going to slowly die from his unrequited crush.

 

EVEN

 

Even didn’t know what to feel anymore. 

His conversation with Isak had left him reeling. He’d felt like maybe with time, they could go towards something more than friendship. However, Isak’s coming-out speech to the boys had kind of crushed all his hopes to the ground. His heart had melted at Isak’s insecurities, but it had crumbled when he’d said he liked someone. The sadness led to a slight, but bothering, anger. The person Isak liked was probably Chris. He couldn’t believe he could fall for that asshole of a player. 

His phone buzzed for what felt like the tenth time. It was probably Sonja again. He’d been dodging her calls, and made up any ridiculous excuses not to see her. Getting Isak back had made him realise it’d been foolish to assume he would get over him by getting together with Sonja. She had been a welcome distraction but it hadn’t been fair to her to stay together when he clearly still had feelings for Isak. 

It was in his art class, while drawing green eyes instead of the boxes the teacher wanted the class to draw, that Even decided he was going to break up with Sonja after school. He texted her to meet him in front of the main entry at 16:15, ignoring the other texts and missed calls he had received from her. He was determined not to use her. He wasn’t Chris, was he? Fuck, he couldn’t catch a break from his thoughts. 

 

Once his class let out, Even walked towards the courtyard, but in his determination to do the right thing as soon as possible, he wasn’t really looking where he was going. His body slammed into a smaller one, one who squeaked. 

“Shit, Even, the fuck?” He heard Isak exclaim. He looked a little flushed but he had a shy smile on his adorable lips. And now, Even was staring at his lips. Shit. He coughed and looked back up to Isak’s eyes. They had a sparkle to it that made Even want to stroke Isak’s cheeks with his thumbs. Jesus, he was pathetic. “What’s got you rushed?” Isak asked.

“I’m on my way to meet with Sonja,” Even answered. Isak’s eyes instantly lost their sparkle and closed his mouth, covering his cute teeth. 

“Ah. I’ll let you to it, then.” Isak said, and rushed off.

Even stood there, in the middle of the hallway for a whole minute. He was puzzled. He knew Isak and Sonja weren’t exactly friends but this was something else. It would have to wait, he need to talk to Sonja. Once outside he spotted her next to the bike rack and walked towards her. 

“Hey, Son,” Even said when he reached her. 

“Hey,” she answered, taking his hand in hers. Even dropped it, but regretted it immediately when he received a hurt and confused look from her. “What’s going on?” She asked.

“I need to talk to you, but not here. Let’s go to KB.” 

 

Once they were sat at a table in the coffee shop with hot chocolates in front of them, Sonja asked him again what was going on. This time Even inhaled and exhaled a few times before talking. He didn’t know where to begin. 

“I feel like shit because before this summer I had a crush, and it was totally one sided, and then I met you. You’re fun, and so kind, but it’s like my head’s not getting the message.” Even knew he was rambling. He thought he could break up with Sonja, but this was harder that he had thought. “Well, I mean, I still have that crush, and I feel so bad because I can’t stop thinking about this person and you’re right there and still so kind and I feel like a piece of shit.”

“So, it’s not one sided anymore?” Sonja asked him, and he didn’t know what to make of her calm voice.

“No I- It doesn’t matter right now.” 

“Of course, it matters, Even. You’re breaking up with me, I better make sure the next girl is worthy of you,” Sonja said, kindly. 

“The next boy, then,” Even smiled at her. “But I told you, it doesn’t matter because it’s still one sided. It’s just that I can’t seem to get over him, I thought I could, but obviously not.” Even sighed. “It wasn’t right to ask you to be with me when I had, have, feelings for someone else. I feel like I used you.” 

“Used me? Come on, Even! You’re one of the best guys I know. I’m pretty sure you have no amount of meanness in your body. I hope this boy will be worth your love, then. And if he ever hurts you in any way, I’m coming for him,” she said before kissing his cheeks and leaving the coffee shop. 

Even was overwhelmed. He felt a little down but he knew two things that could cheer him up. He took his phone out of his pocket and texted Isak on his way home. 

Even: Hey, wanna hang out?

Isak: Aren’t you supposed to be with Sonja right now?

Even: Just left.  
Even: Come on I need to relax for a bit and got a nice roll waiting for us at home.

Isak: I don’t know.

Even: Okay, look, I need you to distract me. I broke up with Sonja, hence the weed and hanging out.

Isak: Ok. Be there in 15.

Even if Isak didn’t feel anything for Even, if he just remained his friend, it might be good enough for now; Isak’s friendship was better than nothing. 

 

Half an hour later, Isak and Even were sitting on the floor next to the bed. They were both already a little high and Isak was babbling about alternate universes. Even couldn’t stop staring at him talking. His eyes, so green and light, his eyelashes slightly stroking the skin of his cheekbones when he blinked slowly. His cute nose crunching when he talked about the people who refuted the parallel universe theory. His mouth was moving as the words came out of it, and Even was hypnotised. He felt the need to rub his thumb against Isak’s lower lip just to see if he’d open his mouth further. He lifted his hand but realised quickly what he was doing and that he was high as fuck. What the hell was he doing? Even shook his when Isak looked at him.

“What’s up?” He asked Even.

“I’m really fucking high. But I think I did the right thing breaking up with Sonja.”

“Did you?”

“I did. It wasn’t fair to her to stay with her when I have feelings for someone else.” Even said while looking in Isak’s eyes, the weed giving him hope, strength, everything he needed in that moment.

“Oh. You do?” Isak looked at the floor. 

It took Even a while to answer. He wanted Isak to look at him, look him in his eyes when he would answer. So, when Isak lifted his head to look at him, Even answered, full of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Isak and the boys. Even and Sonja. Two conversation that were long overdue. I hope you like it. Also, finally got to write an Even point of view longer than Isak's. Sorry for ending this one on a cliffhanger, I couldn't resist, I love those idiots in love so much.  
> This is a short one, and I have no idea when the next update will come, as always, because uni is a bitch but if you have something to tell me about mistakes or anything: comment or tweet me @dvorahhal I'll be happy to answer!


	6. Fading Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are all over the place for our boys, but they're getting there.

ISAK

 

Isak looked at Even when he didn’t say anything. What he saw in Even’s eyes made his heart clench. They were slightly reddened by the weed, but they were shinning, and looking at Isak like he was something precious. Even’s plump lips were stretched into a small and honest smile. They were staring at each other, neither of them dared to look away. Isak’s eyes, having a life of their own, trailed down to Even’s mouth, Even who apparently chose that moment to lick his lips. Isak flushed bright red and looked back to even’s eyes, which were now sparkling. 

“I do,” Even whispered. Shit. What was happening? The tension was palpable and Isak was practically buzzing with it. Was this Even’s way to tell him it was him he had feelings for? G-od, Isak was bad at this stuff. He needed to stop seeing things and get a grip. 

It was almost too much for him. He lifted his upper body up. His hands were itching to touch Even’s face but he knew that wouldn’t end well. He thought that, maybe, the thing that was flowing between them was felt by both of them, but he couldn’t risk losing Even to his own stupid feelings. Maybe they’d be better off as friend. He felt a growing pain, in his chest, his heart, and quickly, it wasn’t a good high anymore. 

“I think I need to go,” Isak said while standing up. He needed to leave before he started crying, or said something humiliating. Even stood up too, and was about to put his hand on Isak’s wrist. The latter flinched and saw a hurt look spread across Even’s face. Isak did that and felt like shit for it. He was trying so hard to swallow his feelings for Even but every time the boy did or said something that made him hope again, but as the saying went, hope makes you live but waiting makes you die. This time, he would not get hurt, even if it meant it caused him physical pain to leave Even. 

“Okay,” Even answered, so low Isak almost didn’t hear him. 

“I’m sorry; Eskild needs me for, um, something tonight. But I hope you’re feeling better,” Isak said and rushed out.

 

The days after that tense evening were quite similar. Isak went to school, avoided Chris, also avoided to talk about what happened with Even, hung out with the boys, hung out with the girls, but never alone with Even. It was the following Saturday evening that the guys decided the pre-game had to be hosted by Isak and that should provide them alcohol, which he had Eskild do in exchange for cleaning the bathroom for a month. 

So, there they were, drinking and laughing in the living room. Isak wasn’t really in the mood to party but he’d promised Jonas he’d at least host the pre-game anyway. He was looking at Even laughing. He felt a pinch in his heart. That was why he’d always liked being around Even. He laughed with his whole body, his eyes half closed, and his face shinning like the freaking sun. He always looked so happy in those moments that it always made Isak want to try and make him laugh more. 

He gulped some of his bitter beer and took out his phone in search of something else to do other than staring at Even like a lovesick fool. He had a few texts from Chris. Crap. 

Chris: Are you avoiding me, pretty boy?  
Chris: Are you coming at the party tonight?  
Chris: We could have some fun, if you know what I mean ;)

“Who is it?” Mahdi asked.

“Chris,” Isak gritted out. 

“Penetrator Chris? The hell? Is he the one you have a crush on? Dude you could do better than him.” Bless Mahdi, but Isak wasn’t so sure about that. From the corner of his eyes he could see Even raising his head and looking at Isak. Could Isak get a break?

“No. G-od, no,” Isak answered staring at the floor. “We hooked up at parties. But I don’t feel like it anymore, and he’s pushing it. I don’t-”

“Tell him to fuck off,” he heard Even’s voice say. Isak’s eyes shot to him and were wide with shock, as did all the others’.

“Dude.”

“The fuck?”

“Um…” Isak was at loss of words. Even looked like a deer in headlights as if he hadn’t mean to say the words out loud.

“I mean, you know, he’s an asshole, and you, well, you deserve someone better than someone who treats you like a simple hook-up. You clearly deserve better than him,” Even rushed to say, his eyes looking everywhere but at Isak. 

“Thanks,” Isak mumbled, his heart squeezing painfully.

A few beers later, the guys decided it was time to leave for the party, but Isak still wasn’t feeling it so he stayed behind to clean. He wasn’t expecting Even to stay as well. Isak was in the kitchen emptying the cans and throwing them away when he heard the front door slam shut. A few seconds later, Even appeared in the doorway. Isak remained quiet while Even came to stand next to him. Isak sighed. He didn’t want to have this conversation right now. The conversation where Even would tell him that yes, he deserved better than Chris but hey, not him. What had started as a weird feeling towards Even ended up being a painful full-on crush. He was considering telling Even to just catch up with Jonas and Mahdi, but before he could, Even spoke.

“Why didn’t you go to the party with the boys?”

“Why didn’t you?” Isak asked him, not taking his eyes off of the cans he was emptying.

“I thought I would help you.”

“Even. There are like, ten cans, I think I can manage on my own, you can-“

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Even said, stopping Isak in the middle of his sentence. He looked up at Even who was already looking at him. Isak closed his mouth and stared back. He couldn’t read Even’s facial expression. When he was usually open and kind, he was now closed off, and it hurt. Isak didn’t know what his problem was. He knew he was acting hot and cold, but he couldn’t just tell him ‘hey so you know how I’ve been avoiding you? Well I’m actually head over fucking heels for you, could we make out for ten years and would you maybe let me slid my hand in your magnificent hair?’ G-od, he was a mess. He was a tired mess. He couldn’t do this right now. 

“Look Even, I’m tired. That’s why I stayed behind. You shouldn’t have stayed. I haven’t been sleeping well at all, and I can’t do this right now. We’ll talk tomorrow if you want. We can meet at the park and fucking talk, but, please, not right now.” His last words were uttered weakly. He could hear it in his own voice. Whatever. It seemed to work on Even because he nodded and left. 

Several hours later Isak still couldn’t sleep. It was three in the morning and he kept tossing and turning, and thinking. He was glaring at the ceiling when a thought came. His insomnia was always triggered by stress. He was stressed because of the whole Even situation. Shit. In the end, maybe they did need to talk tomorrow. Maybe after that he would be able to fucking sleep. 

That night he slept three hours, drank two coffees before leaving the flat the morning after. He obviously was irritable as hell, but that’ll pass eventually during the day. It was during his last class of the day that he started to get anxious about his talk with Even. He was fiddling with his notebook, his legs kept bouncing up and down. 

“Can you stop moving?” Sana hissed at him.

“Sorry,” Isak mumbled.

“What’s wrong with you? You’re weirder than usual.” Despite the sarcastic tone of her voice, Isak could see the worry in her eyes. He looked at the front of the class and the teacher was talking and writing on the board while everyone was either listening to her or talking with one another. So Isak turned back to Sana and told her.

“Do you remember when I told you, Eva and Noora that I maybe had a crush?” 

“It was highly implied, but yes I remember. What about it?”

“Well. I-I’m going to have a talk with him after class and I’m freaking out because I still don’t know what to do.” Isak said. “You know, it might be nice to tell him what, um, what I feel, or whatever, but- ugh, but what if it’s no use, I’ll end up miserable and it’ll ruin our friendship.”

“Isak. You’re the only one who can really decide what to do for yourself. But I sure as hell can help you. I think that telling him would be the best option here, shush, let me finish,” Sana said when Isak opened his mouth to say something. “if it ends up with you being alone, miserable and friendless then so be it, but at least you’ll know, instead of torturing yourself. And what if the feeling’s mutual?” Sana asked with a kind smile. It was then that the class finished, and now Isak needed to meet Even at the park. He felt his phone buzz as Sana left him outside of the classroom.

Even: I’m on a bench near the west entrance of the park.  
Even: Don’t get coffee, I got them.

Isak smiled at his phone. He had been craving another coffee since this morning but hadn’t had the time. He walked out of Nissen, and towards the park. He was still freaking out, but much less than before. Sana had helped him, and the promise of coffee helped. When he arrived there he saw Even and two to-go cups on a bench and went over to sit behind him.

“I bought a decaf americano for you, G-od knows you don’t sleep enough as it is.” Even said when Isak took the cup in his hand.

“Decaf?!” Isak recoiled.

“Isak, knowing you, you’ve already had several cups of it today, and it’s almost 17:00, you’ll never sleep tonight.” Even said disapprovingly. Isak smiled at his cup and drank. He couldn’t hold back the little moan of pleasure of finally drinking coffee. He licked his lips and looked at Even who was staring at his wet lips, his own mouth a little agape. Oh. Isak scratched his throat and Even’s eyes met his, his cheeks slightly pink. He shook his head and started talking.

“Anyway. Um, I’m actually glad we’re talking today instead of yesterday. It was late and you were right to rather go to sleep.” Even started, looking at his hands. “I really want to know what’s wrong? You’ve been avoiding me, I know you have.” He looked at Isak, and it was his turn to look at his hands in shame. 

“I don’t know. I was feeling awkward as hell after last time we were at yours.” Isak said.

“Awkward?”

“Yeah. You know, we were both high, and would probably have said some weird shit we would’ve regretted later.”

“What if we wouldn’t have?”

“Wouldn’t have what?” Isak asked.

“What if we wouldn’t have regretted them later?” Even asked softly. Isak’s heart was beating faster than usual. His phone buzzed, he looked at it and saw that Eskild needed him to go grocery shopping. He sighed and told Even he needed to go help Eskild with the groceries and stood up to leave, when Even put his hand on Isak’s arm.

“Isak, you have no idea how amazing you are, do you?” And before Isak could answer, understand what he meant, or implode, Even said, “Please sleep tonight.” And left. Isak stood in the same spot for several minutes wondering if what just happened was what he thought had happened. He was slowly drowning in his thoughts and arrived late at the supermarket. 

 

EVEN

 

Even had always been good with people. He flirted here and there, with the barista and his cute smile, with the girl who sat next to him in Norwegian. He had always been good at reading those people, what they thought about him, what they wanted. However, that talent got flawed the moment he’d met Isak. It’d been on the first day back at school a year ago. He still could remember the babbling mess Isak had been when Even had helped him open his locker, and how he refused to look at him in the eyes. Since that day, Isak had been a mystery to him. Sometimes, he let his guard off, and he could see hurt, exhaustion, fondness; but most of the time he couldn’t fucking read him. It was like Isak had built up a wall around him and no one could get through. That wall, however, was starting to crumble. He knew that hoping too much could result in him getting hurt, but he had to try. He’d had a useless and hopeless crush on Isak the moment he saw him in the hallway, struggling with his locker. But now, his hopeless crush maybe wasn’t so hopeless after all. He was getting flickers of emotions from Isak that made him think that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t as one sided as he had thought.

Since Isak had come out to the boys, Even had been persuaded that he had a crush on Chris. But when Isak had told the boys that he definitely did not have a crush on him, the tiny flame of hope burning in his stomach had revived, much stronger than before. Now, he’d seen the small light in Isak’s eyes, the way they’d linger on his lips, the way he’d flush when Even would catch him doing it. 

Even smiled. He was going to be an optimist about this. He was also going to go very slow, because every time he made a move or said something, Isak fled. He was going to woo the fuck out of him, but first he needed some advice. He thought about who to ask – Jonas or Mahdi were out of the question for obvious reasons, his mom also wasn’t an option, she would be way too obnoxious about it when she’d see Isak next. He decided Sonja was the best option. Don’t get him wrong, their relationship was based on a lie, his lie, but they were good friends, they did spend last summer together, after all, and she so fucking kind even though he’d broke up with her.

Even: Hey, Sonja.

Sonja: Hey, how are you?

Even: Fine, just a little stressed out. I might need some help?

Sonja: Sure, what’s wrong?

Even: I realise this might be weird because we were together and I was an idiot, but I want to maybe make a move on the boy I told you about the other day. I just don’t know how. I don’t want to make a fool of myself. I’m not even 100% sure he feels the same, but I think there might be something.

Sonja: Wow. Breathe, Even!

Even: We’re texting, not talking face to face.

Sonja: I know you’re freaking out. You’re not fooling me, Bech Næsheim.  
Sonja: Now. About this situation. I’m sure it’ll be fine, you don’t need to be afraid. I think the best option here is to talk to him? Maybe show him that what you’re feeling is a little more than friendship (are you already friends with him? WHO is this guy? Come on, Even!).

Even: I am NOT telling you who it is yet. I don’t want to get my hopes higher than they already are. Thank you for the advice, that's what I was thinking but I thought maybe you’d have a better idea.

Sonja: You could also jump him, but he might get scared…

Even: Oh my G-od. Leaving now.

Sonja: Use protection!

Even: Bye.

Sonja: No, but seriously. Just be your usual self, show him what you feel, tell him, whatever you feel most comfortable with.  
Sonja: And report back to me, after.

Even: Thank you, Son.

Well, that was settled then. He was going to stop refraining himself to be close to Isak, not anymore. He would have to tone it down in front of the guys in case Isak wasn’t fully comfortable yet, but he had a plan now. He left his conversation with Sonja and when to the group one he had with the boys.

Even: Boys. I think we need to have a movie night soon, who’s in?

Jonas: Defo in!

Mahdi: I don’t trust you with the movie choice.

Even: Rude.

Isak: I’m with Mahdi. 

Even: Rude²

Isak: Drama queen.  
Isak: Just tell us what movies you have in mind so we don’t end up falling asleep with your hipster shit.

Even: It’s like you’re punching me, text after text.

Jonas: What are you talking about? The movies he chooses are brilliant.

Mahdi: That’s because you’re a hipster dickhead, as well.

Even: I came here to have a good time and I’m feeling so attacked right now. 

Isak: I just rolled my eyes so far, I think I can see the back of my head.   
Isak: For fuck sake, just tell us what you have in mind and we’ll choose.

Even: Lion, Moonlight, or Moulin Rouge.

Jonas: All good films in my opinion.

Mahdi: Shut up, Jonas.  
Mahdi: Already watched Lion, though.

Isak: Me too. Actually, weren’t we together?

Mahdi: Yup. High as fuck. Also, you cried like a baby.

Isak: EXCUSE YOU  
Isak: I don’t cry. I’m a manly man.

Even: Okay, manly man, what do you choose then?

Isak: Well not fucking Moulin Rouge, either, that’s for sure.

Even: Heretic.

Mahdi: I’m with Isak.

Jonas: When’s the wedding?

Mahdi: Thought I’d told you to shut up?

Even: Why is everyone so rude today?

Jonas: They haven’t gotten laid in a while, that’s why.

Even: For sure.

Isak: Fuck you, guys.

Mahdi: Seconded. Also, I hooked up with that dancer chick at the last party, thank you very much.

Even: For the love of G-od, please choose a fucking film to watch.

Mahdi: Moonlight sounds like the only potable choice.

Jonas: I’m for Moonlight too. 

Isak: Okay for me too.

Even: Jesus, that wasn’t so difficult, was it?

Isak: How dare you?

Mahdi: Choosing a movie to watch is VERY important, you have to consider where you are, who with, if there’ll be weed there…

Jonas: I feel like that was directed at me.

Mahdi: Yes it was. Bring my weed back, dickhead.

 

So the next time Evens pent time together with Isak was indeed with Jonas and Mahdi. He had organised their movie night for Saturday night, in case the boys wanted to spend the night. They’d eaten pizza and smoked a little weed and were now watching Moonlight. Even had already watched it, but he wasn’t going to tell the guys. They were in the living room, Mahdi sprawled on the floor against the coffee table, Jonas on the far left of the couch, Isak in the middle, and Even on the far right. 

Even wasn’t paying attention to the film. The more it went on, the more Even was aware of all the places Isak and him were connected. Even’s long legs had spread during the movie and his left thigh was almost completely pressed against Isak’s right leg. Their shoulders were close together, and their arms brushed from time to time. Even was losing it, slowly but surely. His whole left side was warm, and every time some part of his body touched or brushed Isak’s, it burned. His skin was tingling and all his nerves were alive. His left hand, resting on his thigh, itched to get closer to Isak. He heard Isak gulped loudly next to him. He dared to look at his face and saw that he wasn’t looking at the screen but at his lap when his own hands were resting. Even moved his hand slowly. It brushed against Isak’s lower thigh. Even heard him inhaling loudly, he himself wasn’t doing any better. His heart was beating so fast, and his breaths were coming short, and nothing was happening, per say. 

Suddenly Jonas yawned loudly and told them he was maybe going to fall asleep. And while Even answered him, outraged that Jonas could fall asleep in front of a masterpiece, he felt Isak withdraw his legs, bend his knees and saw him put his arms around them. Even shook his head. It may have been a bad idea to have a movie night with the boys. Isak obviously wasn’t comfortable with the guys around. 

His eyes stayed on the screen until the film finished, the credits rolled down and he heard soft snores coming from Jonas and Mahdi. He turned his head to Isak to joke about it when he saw him furiously wipe his tears with his sleeve. Even’s heart clenched. He turned his body more to the left, and rested his left arm on the back of the sofa, now facing Isak.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to make you sad.” Even whispered. The boys were asleep, the only light was the one coming from the TV screen, and he felt like it would ruin everything if he talked louder than he was.

“I’m not sad. It was beautiful as fuck.” Isak mumbled.

“Such a poet.” Even chuckled, Isak did too. 

“Your fucking films always make me fucking cry.”

“So, not a manly man, after all?”

“Shut up. I can be a man and cry during films. It wasn’t even real cries, just a tear or two.”

“Sure, Isak.”

The silence between them was heavy. Even was looking at Isak, who was looking at his hands, once again.

“We should turn the TV off.” Isak said. Even took the controller and turned it off without taking his eyes off Isak. 

Once the TV was off, the only light that came into the flat was the moon shining through the windows. The left side of Isak’s face was illuminated by it and he looked like a freaking masterpiece. The butterflies in Even’s stomach were in a frenzy at the sight. Isak looked at him and his mouth opened. Even was pretty sure he was drooling and there were hearts in his eyes at that point. 

“I-“ Isak started to say, his voice was rough. And his eyes were glued onto Even’s. Even, who was trying to drink it all in. He couldn’t resist anymore. He lifted his right hand and gently stroke Isak’s cheeks with his thumb. Isak’s breath was shallow. His eyes were shining with the moon, with wonder.

“Isak,” Even said, realising that his voice was rough as well, from whispering and from the tension between him and Isak. He went on, anyway. He needed to do this. Isak looked down once more, but Even couldn’t do this if Isak wasn’t looking at him. “Please, look at me,” Even said, gently pushing Isak’s chin up with the fingers of his left hand. Isak’s eyes were hesitant, and his cheeks had a pink tint to them. Even kept on stroking it with his thumb. “Who’s the guy you have a crush on?” Isak’s eyes went wide. “You don’t have to answer, but I’m pretty sure that the guy might be feeling something for you as well.” Even whispered. The way he’d said it sounded confident, but his insides were churning, he was terrified that he had got this all wrong and that Isak would laugh at his face. That was when he saw Isak's small smile.

“Do you think so?” Isak asked, his voice trembling, and the fingers of his right-hand brushed against Even’s left arm. He felt goose bumps run through his body. He smiled at him, nodding slowly. 

They were staring at each other like fools, smiling, when Jonas woke up in a coughing fit. Isak jumped away from Even and looked at him apologetically. Yeah. Isak wasn’t ready for this yet. But this was progress, so much progress.

That night, Even fell asleep with the promise of something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I played myself. I'm always like "yeah idk when the next chapter's coming guys, I'm super busy with uni" and then I write 4k words instead of studying.
> 
> But anyway! Chapter 6, yay! This one's a bit of an emotional roller-coaster. So much tension (and also banter), dear lord. We're on the right direction, but not there quite yet. I hope you like this one, hope there aren't that many mistakes, thank you for the love, as always, it's really appreciated <3
> 
> By the way, the saying at the beginning is French: l'espoir fait vivre, l'attente fait mourir.
> 
> *goes study*


	7. Yellow Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak goes to visit his mother (feelings ensue). A chill, first date happens.

ISAK

 

That morning Isak woke up to the smell of coffee. He opened his eyes slowly and for a second did not recognise where he was. That was, until he saw a poster of NAS on the wall. Right. They’d slept at Even’s. Every event of the previous evening came back to him and he closed his eyes to the intensity of it. So, his one-sided crush had not been so one sided after all, it appeared. At least, that is what he got from yesterday. He could still feel Even’s hand against his cheek. He could still see Even’s deep blue eyes, shining with the moon, looking right through him. 

They needed to talk but Isak always felt like something was chocking him whenever he wanted to say something to Even. Even who seemed so at ease with who he was. He wished he was more like him. He shook out of his self-pity and sat up. Mahdi and Jonas were sleeping on the floor as well. They were both still sleeping, but Even’s bed was empty. That might explain the smell of coffee.

After having washed his face in the bathroom he went to the kitchen where he found Even dancing. And, wait a minute-

“Is that fucking Gabrielle?” Isak grumbled, which made Even jump and turn down the volume. His cheeks were a beautiful shade of pink and he was chuckling. G-od, it was too early to be this cute.

“It might be,” Even answered as he pushed a bunch of buttons on the coffee machine. “Still charming as ever in the morning, aren’t you?”

“Did you make coffee?” Isak asked instead of answering him. He didn’t need to. He’d never been a morning person and Even knew it. 

“I sure did, come on, grumpy,” Even exclaimed, pouring some coffee in a mug for Isak, and some in another for himself. Isak thanked him and took the mug in his hand. Before drinking he watched Even pour some milk in his mug, then sugar and honey, which made him grimace.

“Don’t knock it, till you try it,” Even said, winking at him. Isak felt himself fluster and drank his coffee. A tiny moan of pleasure escaped him, G-od did he love coffee in the morning. He swallowed, his eyes shut. Oh, the little things in life. When he reopened his eyes, he saw Even staring at him, mug still in hand, mouth slightly open. He seemed to shake himself up. Isak thought he heard him mutter a small “jesus christ” under his breath, but he wasn’t sure.

They drank their coffee in a relatively comfortable silence, but there was still tension remaining. They still needed to talk about them. If there even was a them. 

“So,” Evens scratched his throat. “Did you like Moonlight?”

“Sure, it was alright.” Isak shrugged.

“Oh, so when movies are alright, you cry?” Even asked, smirking.

“Fuck off,” Isak scoffed.

“But hey, what do you think about having another movie night, but like, at the cinema?” Even asked.

“I mean, sure, as long as it’s not one of your hipster shitty movies,” Isak answered smirking in his mug.

“First, rude, Romeo+Juliet is fantastic and you know it. Second, I mean, well, you know, without Jonas or Mahdi, just, um, just you and me?” Even nervously babbled. And, oh. Just the both of them. Like, a date? They needed to be alone anyway, without the guys hovering. Isak was too shy and nervous when the boys were around. He nodded.

“Yeah, okay, sounds good to me,” Isak said with a small smile. Even and him were staring at each other, their eyes drowning, when someone scratched their throat. Even simply turned his head to the source of the noise, while Isak almost jumped. He’d been too caught up in Even. 

“What’s going there?” Jonas asked, barely awake.

“Nothing, Isak is drinking coffee as black as his soul, per usual,” Even said. After that, Mahdi woke up as well, and they all ate breakfast together. Isak and Even sharing looks across the table every so often. 

 

Isak was in the tram on his way back home. It was Sunday and 11 in the morning, so the street and the tram were almost empty. He was leaning his head against the window when his phone went off. Isak’s heart beat a little faster when he saw it was a text from Even.

Even: Were you serious about earlier?

Isak: Were you?

Even: 100%

Isak: So was I, then.

Even: :) :) :) :) :)

Isak: I think that’s enough smileys.

Even: Don’t kill my vibe.

Isak: It’s still too early for this shit.

Even: Isak it’s almost lunch time.

Isak: As I said, too fucking early. 

Even: Anyway.

Even: What about Wednesday night for the movie?

Isak: Yeah, no, I’m going to visit my mum on Wednesday afternoon, I doubt I’ll be in the mood.

Even: Okay we’ll go later, but I can grab a pizza on Wednesday night to cheer you up?

Isak: Okay, then.

Even: It's a date!

Isak’s heart almost stopped. He already had his suspicions on the nature of all of this, but this confirmed it further. His insides were alive, it felt like his stomach was filled with birds and they were all chirping and flying around happily. 

Even: Shit, I mean, it’ll be just like a date, but not if you don’t want it to be.  
Even: Do you want it to be a date?

Fuck yes, he did. He didn’t know how to reply without sounding desperate, but fuck it.

Isak: Definitely, yes.

After that Isak put his phone in his pocket, and got out of the tram at his stop. Once he was home he didn’t even bother to stop to talk to Eskild. He fell into bed, and fell asleep almost immediately, he was exhausted physically and emotionally. 

 

The next couple of days passed quite quickly between classes, homework, and exchanging texts with Even. When Wednesday arrived, he was a ball of nerves. Not only had he his date with Even in the evening but he was seeing his mother in the afternoon. He hadn’t visited her since August, and everything had gone great. He had wanted to see her when everything went to shit in his head, but when he had called, the nurse had told him she had had a bad few days and it would be better to let her rest. There he was, a month later. He couldn’t wait to see her, but at the same time he felt like he needed to tell her. About him. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped. G-od, was he a nervous mess.

“Dude!” Mahdi said, eyeing him curiously. 

"What’s up?” Jonas asked, hugging Isak half-heartedly.

“Was in my own head, sorry.” Isak mumbled. 

“You guys want to come gaming at mine after school?” Jonas asked.

“I can’t. I’m going to see my mum after my last class.” 

“Oh. Yeah, it’s chill dude, we can do it any other time. You can pop in after?” Jonas asked kindly.

“Thanks Jonas, but I think I’ll go straight home after that.”

“I’m in, but we’ll need to ask Even during lunch, he had class earlier than us.”

Isak’s stomach flipped at the mention of Even. He really wanted today to go by so fast that he’ll be with Even already, but at the same time he was so nervous he considered bailing. But no. He wasn’t going to be a coward about this. He felt something for Even and so did he, and they were having a date tonight. Isak felt like squealing like a twelve-year-old kid. 

 

He spent the whole of his Norwegian class thinking about his mother, about Even, about everything, and barely listened to the teacher. So, when lunch break came, he went straight to a table to save seats for the boys. 

He was slowly eating his chips when he felt a hot breath on his right ear, followed by a low “hey.” He jumped and turned around to see Even, smirking. Isak felt himself blush, his face warm with it. He looked at Even and smiled. The guys arrived three seconds later. Even sat next to Isak and the boys sat on the other side. They were talking about the gaming afternoon to Even and Isak was just picking at his sandwich nervously. He kept thinking about his mother’s reaction to him coming out, maybe that wasn’t a good idea after all. His asshole of a father would tell him it’s too much stress for her. Maybe he’d be right about that. 

He jumped when he felt something on his hand. He looked down and saw that Even had put his hand on his. He looked at him startled, but Even kept talking and laughing with Jonas and Mahdi, but his hand remained on Isak’s and his thumb was caressing the back of his hand. 

His face was feeling so warm. He looked around, even more nervous than before. But no one was paying attention to them, no one was looking at them and their hands were on the bench, hidden by the table and their bodies. Isak breathed in relief, but it caught in his throat when he realised that Even was basically holding his fucking hand. Okay. So, they were holding hands now, apparently, and Isak was on a verge of having a heart attack. He wished Even didn’t have that effect on him. 

Isak barely registered Jonas and Mahdi leaving the table. He was staring at Even, without even realising he was doing it. It was when he saw Even looking into his eyes that he realised he’d been staring for the past ten minutes, and the guys might have noticed. His face grew so warm, it felt like he was going to combust. Even smiled at him and started to get up from his seat.

“Tell your mum I said hi and text me when you’re done,” Even said. He squeezed his hand one last time and left. Isak sat for another five minutes before going to his bio class. 

 

He allowed himself to think about Even’s touch when he was waiting in front of the house. The house he’d called home for so many year before everything went to shit. His dad left, his mum refusing to get her treatment, Isak leaving her alone. Guilt spread through his guts and he felt like crying. He closed his eyes, breathed through his nose and thought about Even squeezing his hand in comfort. He could do this without drowning in guilt. He rang the bell, and waited.

A short middle aged woman opened the door and smiled warmly at Isak. 

“Hello, Isak. How are you? I’m glad you came to visit,” Anja said. 

She was the nurse helping his mum at home. Isak’s mother’s schizophrenia had started to show around the time he’d been 15. He hadn’t realised how bad it was until his father left them both and his mum started to throw plates at him once when she hadn’t recognised him one day after school. He left her earlier last year when it’d became too much, and met Eskild who had a free room in in flat. 

It was during last Christmas season that he had realised how bad it was that he’d left her on her own, untreated; and she had always loved Christmas. So, he’d came back for the duration of the holidays and convinced her to consult a doctor who would know what was wrong. It was after she’d been diagnosed with schizophrenia and had the right medicine that the hospital proposed them a nurse-at-home kind of service where a nurse would come and check that everything is alright with the patient, and if help was needed, the nurse would provide it.

“I’m fine,” Isak smiled to Anja. “How is she?”

“This week’s been good for her, and your visit will make her so happy, I’m sure, she misses you.”

“Yeah. Sorry, I haven’t been able to visit earlier.”

“Don’t worry, I get it. Marianne gets it, she knows you have school and grades to keep up. Come in, I’ll make some tea, just go sit with her in the living room and I’ll bring it to you.”

Isak didn’t bother telling her he didn’t like tea, and just went it. The nostalgia hit him so intensely, he almost couldn’t breathe. He let himself inhale, then exhale. And again. He walked to the living room. He saw his mother sitting in the sofa. She was facing the outdoor window and part of her face was lit by the sun entering the room. She was beautiful. Isak felt like hugging her forever. He just walked and sat next to her on the sofa.

“Hey, mamma.”

“Isak!” She exclaimed and put her arms around him. He fought the urge to cry and stroke her back slowly before letting go.

“How are you, mamma?”

“Depends on when you’re asking. Better, for now. But, none of that, how are you, sweety? How’s second year treating you? Are you still working hard?” Marianne asked as she smiled kindly at Isak. He felt his face flush.

“I’m trying, at least. It’s a bit harder than first year.”

“Of course it is, but I’m sure my son, the genius, will manage.”

“Oh my G-od, mum, no.”

“What? I have a bio genius for a son, I can brag as much as I want.”

“And she does,” Anja said as she came into the room with two cups of tea. She put them on the table and went outside, probably for a smoke. It was now or never. If he didn’t tell her now, he would never get the courage to do it again.

“Mamma?”

“Mmh?”

“You know Even?”

“I do. Charming boy.”

“Yeah. Well. I’m- We- I have feelings for him. And I know you believe in G-od and it’s a sin according to the bible, but I guess that’s alright because, you know, G-od created us all equal. I just don’t want to make you sad. I can, I can go, like if you-“

“Isak. Isak. Isak,” His mum whispered. He felt her hands on both of his cheeks. He lifted his eyes from where they’d been stuck to, and looked at his mum. The tears that were threatening to fall, did eventually when he saw his mum looking at him with nothing but love, no disgust or anguish. “I’m only sad because you’d think I’d resent you for something that is part of you. My son, from the first moment I laid my eyes on you on the 21st of June 1999 at 21:21 I have loved you with my whole being, and will always love you.” They were both crying at this point. 

“You’re not disappointed?” Isak asked, his voice trembling.

“Of course not, love. I could never be disappointed in you. I’ve met Even only once but he left me with a good impression. I’ll need to see him again, as your boyfriend this time, so I can make sure he’s worthy of your love.” Marianne said, winking at Isak, who was flushing bright red at the words boyfriend and love. They certainly weren’t boyfriends yet. They didn’t even have their first kiss yet, for fuck sake. Isak shook his head. He felt so light, like he could fly away, and cry of happiness, again. His mamma still loved him.

 

EVEN

 

Even was currently freaking out. 

He had everything planned out: leaving school, going to the supermarket, then going to Isak’s and make the damn pizza. There was just one flaw in his plan. He had to call Eskild to let him in. he knew Eskild would ask way too many questions. What the hell, he needed Isak’s and his first date to be perfect and Eskild’s intrusive questions won’t be an obstacle. He dialed Eskild’s number when he was done buying the ingredients he needed for the pizza and waited. 

“Yellow?” Eskild answered the phone.

“Hey Eskild, it’s Even.”

“Yes, Even, dear, I know, I have your number.”

“Right.”

“What is it?”

“I may need you to let me in you flat?”

“Pray tell me, why would I do that?”

“I’m going to make homemade pizza for Isak.” Even told him. The line was quiet for a few seconds before Eskild spoke.

“Okay, just ring the building door when you’re here,” Eskild said and hung up.

 

That is how he found himself in front of Eskild who was leaning against the open door of the apartment, squinting at him strangely.

“Can I…come in?” Even asked, unsure of what was happening in Eskild’s head. No one knew that anyway.

“Sure, sure, sure, sure,” Eskild said and letting him come into the flat. 

Even came in and walked straight to the kitchen. He took everything he’d bought out of the bag. He took a large bowl out of the cupboard and started mixing the ingredients together for the dough. It was when he was cutting the tomatoes and olives that he realised Eskild had been standing behind him all that time. 

“Can I help you?” Even asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t know, can you?” Even rolled his eyes and got back to the task at hand. “Why are you making homemade pizza for Isak?” 

“Because it’s much better than the ones they sell around Oslo.”

“No, Even. Why are you MAKING pizza for ISAK?” Eskild asked again, this time putting this emphasis on what he seemed to be confused about.

“He didn’t tell you, then?”

“He sure as hell did not.”

“He went to see his mother this afternoon, so I thought I could make something to cheer him up, just in case, you know.”

“Oooh okay, can I join you, then? I fancy myself some homemade pizza. Also, you’re practically a chef now.” Even flushed a little.

“Umm, actually don’t you have, like, other plans tonight?” Even babbled. 

“Even,” Eskild gasped. “Are you trying to throw me out of my own house?!”

“It’s just that, er, fuck it. I kind of planned tonight to be our first date.”

“Excuse me?” Eskild asked, no longer joking, just surprised.

“I reckon again that Isak didn’t tell you?”

“He never tells me the juicy stuff,” Eskild whined. “Tell me, e-ve-ry-thing.”

“Nothing to tell really, besides that we’re kind of trying to date? I mean, tonight’s going to be our first date, but we haven't really talked about it, and, uh, we haven’t kissed or anything yet,” Even told him, flushing bright red. He’d rather be anywhere else right now.

“Sounds lovely!” Eskild shrieked. “Okay. I’ll leave you both alone tonight, I’ll find someone else to bother,” he said as he waggled his eyebrows. “Isak will tell me everything tomorrow.”

Eskild petted Even’s cheek and went to his bedroom. When he came out fifteen minutes later, Even had just finished to prepare the garnish for the pizza and the dough was resting in a corner. Eskild left the flat but not without throwing a smirk in Even’s way. Damn, Eskild.

He had more time to prepare, mostly mentally. This was going to be their first date! He tried to imagine himself saying to his past self that it was going to happen. He would have laughed so hard and said that Isak was as straight as an arrow. Now, there he was, waiting for Isak to come back so they could begin their date. His mind was just a big exclamation point. 

He felt excited and terrified at the same time. Excited because he felt like he’d been waiting forever for this to happen with Isak. Terrified because he was shit-scared of fucking up. What if he said the wrong thing? What if he pushed Isak too far? What if Isak wasn’t invested as he was? What if Isak found out that Even was too much when he was in a relationship? Holy hell, he was on the verge of having a panic attack when his phone went off.

Isak: Leaving my mum’s now.

Even: How did it go? Are you okay?

Isak: I am, I’ll tell you later.

Isak: Are we still doing that thing tonight?

Even: Thing?  
Even: Isak, you’re wounding me.

Isak: You know what.

Even: I want you to say it, though.

Isak: Vampire.

Even: …

Isak: I know you laughed, don’t deny it.

Isak: The date thing.

Even: There you go!  
Even: The date thing. *sigh*

Isak: *rolls his eyes*

Even: Cute.  
Even: When will you arrive?

Isak: I just took the first tram so in thirty minutes.

Even: Perfect.

Isak: You haven’t told me if you’re coming with the pizza or are we ordering once you’ll be at mine or?

Even: Don’t worry about that, just go home.

Isak: Okay…?

Even: ;)

 

Even spent the remaining thirty minutes making the pizza, put it in the oven, made the salad, and put two cans of beer on the coffee table in front of the settee. He put the TV on and searched for something they wouldn’t have to focus much on. He settled on Narcos, as it was something that Isak liked. 

He was just taking the pizza out of the oven when Isak opened the door to the flat. He took off his shoes, then raised his eyes, which went wide with shock when he saw Even standing there, pizza in hand. 

“What the fuck?” Isak exclaimed.

“Erm, surprise?” Even grinned.

“How the hell did you get in here? Also did you MAKE that pizza? Holy shit that smells good.” 

As Isak babbled away, Even noticed that his eyes looked tired, if a little red, and his face had lost a little colour since lunch. 

“Eskild helped me out,” Even said as he started to cut the pizza. “You can go sit down, I’ll bring the pizza and there’s beer on the table.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Isak said as he smiled and went to sit on the sofa. 

“Skøll,” Even and Isak said before drinking their beers once Even had brought the pizza and had sat down.

Even was looking at Isak above his can. He couldn’t tell from Isak’s facial expression if the afternoon with his mother had gone well or not.

“How was it with your mum?” He asked. Isak looked up at him and smiled fondly.

“So great, but I’m knackered. I think I’ve never cried so much. That shit is exhausting.”

“Cried?” Even asked, alarmed. 

“Not sad-crying. It’s just that I, um, I came out to her.”

“You did?”

“I did,” Isak answered, still smiling shyly. “I was so scared of what she would say, you know with religion and all that shit. But it went great, we both ugly cried, it was brilliant. And she, um…”

“Yes?”

“Nothing. She’s just great.”

“I’m glad it went well, your mum’s cool. Now, let’s eat this!”

Even gave Isak a quarter of pizza and took one himself. He ate first and watched Isak carefully, in case he didn’t like it. It seemed to be the complete contrary as he ate it and moaned the way he always did when he ate or drank something he loved. His eyes were closed and he swallowed, licking his lips. Even almost choked on his pizza. This boy would be the death of him.

 

They continued eating, drinking their beer, as they talked about nothing and everything. It was going great. Even felt like singing. It was finally happening they were going somewhere. However, Isak seemed to be more and more exhausted so Even told him he would go home and let him sleep. They both stood up from the sofa and Even saw Isak looking at his feet. Even let his fingers brush against Isak’s arm. When he didn’t look up, Even asked him what was wrong.

“I feel like,” Isak started, cheeks flushing lightly. This boy and his shyness were going to kill Even. “Like, I’m an idiot for being tired, when we could, you know, just keep watching tv or talk for a longer time.” Even brought his hand to his light pink cheek.

“Isak, it’s alright. We have all the time in the world.” Isak looked at him with hopeful eyes. Even couldn’t resist he brought his other hand to Isak’s other cheek and stepped even closer to him. “I’ve been waiting for this for so long, but I really don't mind taking it slow.”

“How long have you been waiting for this?” Isak asked in a small voice. Even took another step to the point where his nose almost touched Isak’s. 

“Around the time we started smoking together last year,” Even whispered.

“Oh,” Isak whispered, too. 

Even felt his breath against his mouth and felt the urge to kiss him. He looked into Isak’s eyes for confirmation that he wasn’t the only one feeling this. Isak’s eyes were looking back, shiny, green, and so, so soft. Even leaned in closer, giving Isak’s time to backtrack in case he wasn’t ready. They were taking things slow after all. Isak didn’t backtrack. Even felt one of his hand on his shoulder and the other on his arm. 

Even’s lips brushed against Isak and felt the younger boy gasp. Even was breathing a little faster than normal. When his lips pushed against Isak’s, it felt like everything was coming into place. Like his life finally had meaning. Isak recovered a few seconds later and kissed Even back. They were kissing, so, so slowly. Even was about to burst. All he wanted was to deepen the kiss but he felt that it was enough for tonight. If they’d go further than that, Even didn’t know if he would have the strength to stop. 

They separated after kissing for a few seconds, minutes, hours, who knew. Isak’s lips had felt magical against his own and he felt entranced. Isak opened his eyes slowly and looked at Even with half-closed lids. They were both breathing hard. Even wanted nothing but to dive in and kiss him again, but he needed to let Isak breath for tonight. He didn’t want to be too much this early on. He stepped back, stroked Isak’s cheeks and smiled.

“Good night, Isak,” he said just before leaving.

 

He walked back home instead of taking the tram, texted his mum to let her know he was on his way. He smiled the whole way like an idiot. He was about five minutes away from home when his phone buzzed. He took it out of his pocked and looked at the screen. Isak had posted something on his Instagram account for the first time in forever. When Even opened the app to look at it he felt his heart squeezing in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasps* chapter 7! Sorry for the week-long wait, uni is kicking my ass big time. Also I had kind of a hard time focusing during Even's part because I was thinking about the million things I have to do. So, sorry if it sounds rushed or weird. I just felt like posting this chapter. 
> 
> I took what was said between Isak and his mum via text in the show and put it in here (rearranged to make it fit, obviously). It's all kinds of emotional. Also, yay for Isak and Even's first date! Pizza and beer sounds perfect right now, if I'm being honest. 
> 
> Also that manip of Isak's IG post took me so long to make and insert on here I feel like crying that it is finally working (the pizza photo is mine).
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this one, hope there weren't too many mistakes, tell me what you think! I really appreciate the kudos and comments, so thank you for that <3 Also, my Twitter just in case you feel like shouting at me: @dvorahhal
> 
> See y'all soon ;)


	8. Take My Hand and Let's Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even are exploring their relationship, and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some smut in this if you're not comfortable with it, you've been warned. Also I'm probably shit at writing it, considering this is my first time (ah, no pun intended). Also homophobic remark at one point (ref to S04E10).

**ISAK**

 

Isak woke up earlier than usual on Thursday morning, so he took the time to lay in bed to check his phone. He saw that Even had liked his post on Instagram (which had taken him about half an hour before he'd decided to post it) and had texted him at 23:46.

Even: I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about tonight. Is it just me?

Even: Right. You’re probably asleep.

Even: Good night, Isak, have sweet dreams about that kiss.

Isak felt his face flush. G-od. And what a first kiss. It had been slow and Isak had almost died right there. He hadn’t let himself imagine what it could be to kiss Even, to touch those plump lips with his lips because he knew if he started imagining that then he would start imagining what his hands in Even’s silk-like hair would feel like and what it would be like to tug at it just a little bit, and what it would be like to let his hands wander, and what it would be like to feel Even’s hands on him, naked skin against naked skin, and-

“Baby gay!” Eskild shouted as he barged into his room and jumped on the bed. Isak’s face was flushed with shame (although there was no way Eskild knew what he was thinking) but mostly because he’d make himself grow hard in his sweatpants and now Eskild was sitting next to him on his bed. Isak shifted slightly to get away from him but moving caused the front of his sweatpants to rub lightly over his hard dick and made him bite his lips, almost drawing blood.

“So?” Right. Eskild was still there. “What happened yesterday? Tell your guru.” Eskild said, excited, completely unware of what was going on with Isak.

“Um, well, Even was there.”

“I know that already. I was there who let him in. You should thank me for getting you laid.”

“I did NOT get laid!” Isak was blushing furiously and this conversation was doing nothing to calm his hard-on.

“Semantics. Seriously though, what happened? You didn’t even tell me that the Even situation had changed so much that you were going to have a date.”

“It happened quickly and I…forgot to tell you?” Eskild tssked at Isak. “I would have, eventually. Anyway, we ate pizza and talked, nothing special but,” Isak hesitated. G-od did he hate talking about this, especially with Eskild. The warmth coming back to his cheeks he said, “but it was us, you know? I would’ve taken that first date a million time over any fancy ass restaurant.”

“Woah. Good, I’m happy for you, baby gay!” Isak rolled his eyes while Eskild ruffled his hair. “Did you kiss?”

“Oh my G-od, Eskild, I don’t want to talk about that with you, jesus.”

“That’s a yes,” Eskild sing-songed as he stood up and left the room.

Well. It could’ve been worse. He let himself relax and slid further down into his bed when his hard-on made itself known again. He let his hand slid up and down under his shirt with light touches. His fingers slipped under the waistband of his briefs and- his phone buzzed next to his head. Come on! He closed his eyes again, and kept going. Whoever it was, was going to have to wait. He gave himself a light stroke to get him going. He bit his lips to keep him from making any noise.

His phone buzzed again. Fuck. He couldn’t catch a fucking break. He huffed angrily and took his hand out to take his phone. Gross, but whatever.

Even: Morning, sunshine.

Even: Don’t tell me you’re still asleep. We’re supposed to meet the guys in an hour.

Shit. Fuck. He got carried away and completely forgot he had to get up. He jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom.

 

*

 

He practically ran to get the tram. Once on it he typed a text to Even.

Isak: I’m on the tram.

Even: You woke up late, didn’t you?

Isak: No.

Isak: I just got out of bed late.

Even: Same difference.

Even: How did you sleep?

Isak: Perfectly, for once. What about you and your texts at midnight?

Even: It wasn’t even midnight.

Isak: Same difference.

Even: Oh, cheeky, I like it.

Isak: I sure hope you do.

Even: Are we going to have the feeling talk _now_? Who are you and what have you done to Isak Valtersen, allergic to talking about feelings?!

Isak: Shut up.

Even: There he is :)

Isak: Ugh. Remind me not to try and be nice again in the morning.

Even: But you have to be nice to _me_ … :(

Isak: Do I, now?

Even: Yes. It’s law. Article 41.3 of the Constitution: “be nice to Even in the morning because he’s basically almost your boyfriend.”

Oh my G-od. Oh. My. G-od. Isak was staring at his phone screen, eyes wide open. They hadn’t talked about that yet. They should do that as soon as possible to prevent Isak from overthinking shit and almost having a heart attack every time Even would mention ‘boyfriend’ or ‘dates’.

 

He didn’t reply to Even’s text. He wanted to have that conversation face to face, as much as he would hate talking about all this. So, when he arrived at Nissen and saw Even leaning against the wall just outside the school, he walked towards him.

“Halla,” Isak said when he was standing next to Even. The taller boy looked at him and his eyes became softer and Isak’s heart squeezed, just a bit. Damn it.

“Halla,” Even said, his voice deep, and his lips forming a smile. “You didn’t answer me,” He said gesturing to his own phone in his hand. “Were you freaking out?” And before Isak could answer, he said, quieter, unsure, “or, is it just not what you want?” Oh, hell no.

“No!” Isak exclaimed, and saw Even’s face fall. “No, I mean, argh, fuck. It _is_ what I want.” Even’s little smile came back.

“It is?”

“It really fucking is. Come on Even, I spent like a month avoiding you and Sonja because it was fucking me up,” Isak admitted, looking at his feet, the pink shade returning to his cheeks.

“Good. So, do you want to be boyfriends, then?”

“Do you?” Isak had to make sure.

“Isak, I’ve had a crush on you the size of the Hollywood sign since last year, I think everyone noticed but you. So yes, I very much want that.”

“Okay then,” Isak mumbled and smiled at Even.

When they walked in the courtyard, towards the main building, their hands brushed several times, and every time it felt like his skin was on fire. He wanted to take Even’s hand in his but they hadn’t talked to Jonas and Mahdi yet and he didn’t want them to hear about it through rumours.

 

*

 

In the end, it all happened at lunch. They were all sitting, Eva and the girls had also sat with them. Eva was talking animatedly with Jonas and Mahdi about something while Noora was glaring at them. Sana was just eating, listening to the conversation. Isak was doing the same until he felt Even’s fingers brush against his thigh. He raised his head. Even was looking at him with a small smile.

“You seem more relaxed than before.”

“I am.”

“I’m glad,” Even said before lowering his voice. “When do you want to go to that second date we talked about?”

“What about Friday?” Isak whispered back.

“Damn, all this whispering, I feel like a spy.” Isak rolled his eyes. Even was ridiculous. “Seriously we should tell them, at some point, when you’re ready.”

“Yeah, okay,” Isak mumbled. The truth was that he _did_ want to tell his boys, and optionally the girls, about them…dating (gah).

“Anyway. Friday night’s perfect,” Even said in his normal voice. They were still lost in their tiny bubble when they heard Eva calling for them. They both turned to her.

“Mh?”

“What’s Friday night? Is there a party we should know about?” She asked. Isak felt his cheeks become warm and looked at Even with wide eyes, waiting for him to say something. However, he might have been a little too lost in their bubble because a second later he spoke.

“Oh no, our date,” Even said shrugging.

“Oh my G-od, Even!” Isak squeaked.

“Oh my G-od, what?!” Eva asked, practically jumping in her seat.

“Bro!” Jonas exclaimed.

“How did _that_ happen?” Mahdi asked, squinting at them.

“Nice, Isak,” Noora said smiling at Isak.

"Shit," Even said, scrunching his nose.

Isak was panicking. They were all talking at the same time and looking at them and Even seemed to understand that he had fucked up when they’d LITERALLY just said they would wait to tell them. Sana wasn’t saying anything, she was still eating her chips, but she was smiling at them.

“Right,” Even said, scratching his throat. “I- er-“ He looked at Isak, eyes pleading.

“I’m not getting us out of this shit, you are, you’re the one who blurted out we were going on our second date, asshole,” Isak said, shaking his head. He was far from angry, but he’d wanted to be prepared for this conversation, damn it!

“SECOND DATE?!” Eva bellowed. She was smiling so wide, holy shit. Isak closed his eyes and put his head on the table; Now, _he_ ’d fucked up. Great.

“Nice on,” he heard Even saiy. He flipped him the bird and heard him laugh.

“Isak, what’s going on?” He heard Jonas asked. And, yeah, shit. He hadn’t said anything to Jonas and he was practically his brother. He lifted his head up and looked at him. He didn’t look disappointed, just surprised.

“I, well, not just me, I mean, Even too, I mean, him and I, well, we-“

“There’s a we!” Eva squealed.

“Eva if you don’t shut up I will throw my chips at you,” Sana said. Isak thanked Sana and kept talking.

“As I was saying, we, um, we’re doing that date thing.”

“Isak,” Even exclaimed, faking hurt, a hand on his heart. “We talked about it, didn’t we? We’re fucking boyfriend, come on!” He heard Eva make an incomprehensible sound. Isak blushed furiously at the word. One day, he’ll get used to it, for sure.

“Chill,” Mahdi said.

“Chill?” Jonas looked at Mahdi. “I don’t understand, I didn’t see it coming.”

“That’s because you’re as oblivious as Isak.” That earned him a high-five from Even.

“No but I mean, I’m happy for you guys even if it’s weird as fuck,” Jonas said.

“Oh.”

“No, Isak, not weird in a “you’re gay” way, more in a “you’re going to bang” kind of way.” Isak groaned at that, refusing to look at Even.

“You can’t possibly complain about that when we had to endure your twenty-minute monologue about how you ate out that third-year girl a few days ago,” Even said, his hand squeezing Isak’s. Isak smiled. G-od, this boy.

“All jokes aside, you better not hurt him, Even. I know how to bury a body,” Noora said seriously, looking at Even, who was at loss of word. The table had become quiet. Isak, Sana and Mahdi were the only ones laughing.

“Jesus, I love you so much, Noora,” Eva exclaimed, her wide smile back on her face. Isak saw Noora flush and no words were coming out of her mouth.

“Anyway,” Isak said loudly, to take the attention off Noora, who was staring at Eva, the latter was eating her pastas happily, totally unaware of the tension she had created. “This,” he gestured between him and Even, “is none of your business. I’m glad you guys, and girls, know, but that’s it.” Even pouted at him. “What?” Isak asked him.

“But, what if I wanted to tell Jonas in detail how much we love fucking in your kitchen?”

Isak got up, red as a fucking tomato, half-imagining it, flipped them all the bird while he started leaving, everyone laughing at the table, including Even.

He felt a hand on his arm. Even had caught up with him, leaving the table as well.

“I’m sorry,” Even said. They were standing in the middle of the cafeteria.

“About what exactly?” About almost giving me a boner at school?!

“Telling them, and being an ass.”

“I mean, that was not the ideal situation I had imagined, but, at least now they know. But you will NOT tell Jonas anything.”

“Not even as revenge?” Isak shook his head. Even leaned into him, his breath mere centimetres to Isak’s ear. He felt himself shiver. “Can I tell him about how much your blush drives me nuts? Or how it makes me want to kiss you so hard that your legs would be trembling? Or maybe I could tell him how much I’ve been wanting to lick the freckles on your face and neck since the first time we met?”

At this point, Isak was a fucking mess, he was on his way to become hard, in the middle of the fucking cafeteria. He was pretty sure the blush on his cheeks wasn’t any better, and he was panting as if he’d just ran a marathon.

Even leaned back and looked at him, the deep beautiful blue of his eyes was almost gone. He took a step back and scratched his throat.

“I think I played myself, here.”

“Asshole,” Isak said as he took his hand (in front of everyone!) and they left the cafeteria, laughing.

 

*

 

Isak inspected his outfit in the reflection of the building’s door. He chose to wear his black jeans with a simple white tee-shirt, his ratty black converse, and a grey hoodie. That’ll have to do anyway. It was a date, but it was still Even and they were just going to the movies.

He was trying, in vain, to tame his curls when a honk made him jump. He turned around and saw Even laughing in a car he’d never seen before. Isak climbed in.

“Did you steal a car?”

“Hardy har har, no it’s my mum’s.”

“Is it? I’ve never seen it before.”

“Because it’s habit of your to be in a car with my mum?” Even asked, raising an eyebrow. That fucking smirk on his lips. Isak wanted to kiss it off.

“Your mum loves me and you know it.”

“Enough talk about my mum, jeez. Are you ready for that 'second date thing?'”

“Yeah,” Isak smiled at him. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” Even told him, turning back to the wheel and put the car in gear.

The way to wherever they were going was quiet if only for the radio playing lowly. Isak was watching the streets of Oslo go by through the window and Even was driving, seeming lost in his own head. The silence was not awkward nor uncomfortable, it was peaceful.

When Even actually stopped the car, Isak looked around. He squinted at the name of the cinema.

“Wait, isn’t that cinema that-“

“Has super comfortable chair to watch films? Yes,” Even answered, excitedly.

“I was going to say that’s kind of expensive, but yeah, that too.”

“Don’t worry about that, a gentleman always pays for his date.”

“Jesus, you’re so lame.”

“But you like me anyway?” Even asked half joking, half unsure.

“I do,” Isak told him and took his hand as they started to walk towards the entrance of the cinema. “Come one now, you dork.” He felt Even squeeze his hand. Isak looked at him and he was already looking back, smiling. “What?”

“I’m proud of you,” Even told him. Isak flushed a little bit, his heart clenching happily. Damn Even and damn his heart. Isak squeezed his hand back, unable to express what he was feeling in that moment.

Even paid for his ticket, as promised, and as they entered the screen room Isak couldn’t help but be impressed. It was huge, and there weren’t that many seats but those already there were big comfortable-looking chairs that you would have in your living room, with warm-looking blankets folded on them. Even brought them to the row just before the last.

Isat sat on the left and Even on the right. They got comfortable and chatted easily until the film started. When Chirs Evans appeared on the screen Isak felt Even lean closer to him, his breath against his ear.

“You’re allowed to drool,” Even whispered.

“Shut up,” Isak chastised him by trying to push him away but Even grabbed his hand and kept it interlaced with his.

If Isak leaned a bit more against Even as well, no one had to know, really. As Isak was trying to focus on Chris Evans being a good uncle, Even was stroking the back of his hand with his thumb, and brushing the fingers of his other hand on his arm.

Focusing on the screen was becoming harder as Even continued to touch him. It became even harder when Even brought Isak’s hand to his lips and started kissing it gently, then kissing each finger, and rubbing his lips against them. At this point Isak wasn’t paying attention to the film anymore. He had turned his head toward Even who wasn’t looking at him, was busy rubbing his lips all over Isak’s hand. Breathing became a little harder as Even went on. Isak was staring at Even’s lips, plush and pink, and kissing his index. In his lust-fogged mind, it seemed like a good idea, which was why he didn’t think about it before pushing his finger on Even’s lower lip. Even’s mouth opened, as if by reflex. Isak felt his hot breath against his forefinger, he rubbed it against the lip under it. He was entranced by the sight of his finger against Even’s mouth when Even licked his lip and Isak’s finger at the same time. Both boys gasped and started at each other. The only light was coming from the big screen and illuminated both their faces enough for one another to see both of their irises dilated, and their eyelids half-closed. Isak felt electrified by Even’s eyes and lips. He saw Even smirk and felt it under his finger. That fucking smirk. Isak smirked back before pushing, oh so lightly, his index a bit more into Even’s mouth. Even who, still starting at Isak, closed his lips around it and licked at it. Isak closed his eyes for a moment, he was so turned on that he’d forgotten where they were, and now his dick was hard in at the fucking cinema.

He took his finger and hand back, swiped it against his jean and reopened his eyes. Even was still looking at him, mouth agape.

“Ass,” Isak whispered before turning back to the screen. He heard Even laugh a little before, he turned, too, to the screen where Chris Evans and the little girl had started crying.

 

*

 

When they came out of the building, Isak exhaled as the cold air hit his cheeks. Thank G-od his dick had calmed down with all the onscreen crying, and some on his part. But, that shit with Even had been so intense, he felt like jumping him like a fucking tree. Why did they had to go to a public place?

“Enjoyed that?” Even asked him as he was internally lamenting his life choices.

“What?” Isak asked louder than normal.

“The film?” Even said, his little smile betraying his thoughts and Isak punched his shoulder lightly.

“Yeah, yeah, it was cool, but I couldn’t really concentrate, for some reasons,” Isak told him, glaring at him as he said the last three words.

“Really? Because I could’ve sworn I saw you crying at the same time as Chris Evans.”

“I hate you, this date was terrible, bye,” Isak exclaimed as he started to walk away.

Even caught his arm and stopped him when he was just past the entrance of the cinema and in front of an old brick wall.

“No, you don’t,” Even said as he slowly stepped into Isak’s space. The look in his eyes was hungry and Isak took a step back but he found himself with his back against the wall and Even mere centimeters away. “And the date wasn’t terrible.”

“It really wasn’t,” Isak told him, trying to breathe, but the look in Even’s eyes and his hands resting on the wall on each side of his head was making his stomach churn with excitement.

Even was smiling at him, although he was looking at him like a predator looks at its prey. Damn, Isak couldn’t resist, once again. He brought his hand up and rested it on Even’s cheek. Even leaned into his touch, eyes half closing. Isak brought his thumb back to Even’s perfect lips and stroked his lower lips, again.

“Your lips…” Isak whispered throatily, not even realising he’d spoken until he felt Even’s hands on each side of his face and his eyes on him.

“G-od you have no idea what you do to me, do you?” Even asked, and it mustn’t have required an answer because Even surged on Isak and crashed their lips together. It was a passionate kiss. It was a “I’ve been waiting for this and for you forever” kiss. It was a “please let us be one together” kiss. It was a “I’m have a hunger that only you can appease” kiss. It was the kiss of all kisses.

They both moaned when they felt each other’s tongue, hands roaming aimlessly on their bodies. Not minding anyone. Lost in their passionate bubble. They pulled apart after what felt like hours and Even rested his forehead against Isak’s. His hands were around Isak’s wait whereas Isak had one hand buried in Even’s hair and the other around his neck.

They were breathing each other’s air when they heard someone shout, “fucking fags!”

It felt like an electroshock and both boys jumped apart.

“What did he say?” Isak asked slowly. Then, because Even seemed in a shock state, only staring at him, Isak turned around and pushed himself off the wall. “What the fuck did you say?” He shouted at the only man walking down the street.

“Get a room, it’s fucking disgusting!” The man shouted back still walking away.

“What the fuck? What the FUCK?!” Isak was seeing blood red, all he needed was to punch this asshole’s fucking face in. He started walking, his body on fire. “Come back here, you fucking asshole! Do you think you can just go around and say stuff like that? Fucking asshole!” He was shouting and wanted to punch this dickhead in the throat.

He hadn’t noticed Even standing in front of him. “Fuck, he can’t say stuff like that!” Even put his hands on Isak’s face, forcing him to turn his head so that he was looking at him.

“Look at me, Isak, look at me,” Even said calmly, his eyes so, so gentle. Isak was fuming while Even was just looking at him and stroking his thumbs on his cheeks. “It’s alright, okay? We’ll take it totally chill. We'll go back to my car, I’ll drive you back to the flat, we’ll make out for fifteen minutes before you go, and we’ll go to Eva’s party tomorrow, and see our friends, okay?” Even told him in a kind and calm voice, his hands around Isak’s neck.

Isak pouted and threw one last look at the, now, empty street, and nodded. They kissed for a few seconds before Even took him in his arms. Isak put his arm around Even’s neck while the taller boy’s hands around his waist anchored him back to where he was. Happy. With Even. His boyfriend. Fuck that guy.

In the end, they did exactly what Even had told him they would do after that, except they did make out for another twenty minutes before he went back home after Eskild kept calling and texting him to come back home already.

 

 

**EVEN**

 

Even stood in front of his mirror. He’d spent fifteen minutes on his quiff, so he knew his hair was okay. He wasn’t so sure about the outfit, though. He’d put on his trustee beige pants with a light grey tee-shirt and a grey plaid shirt. His mum suddenly appeared next to him in front of the mirror.

“What are we looking at?” She asked.

“My outfit. I’m not sure about it.”

“It depends on the occasion.”

“Party at Eva’s.”

“Well, I guess you’re fine if you don’t want to impress anyone,” his mum told him with a smirk.

“So, it’s crap, okay.”

“Language. But no, I’d say it’s a very casual outfit. You could maybe change the pants.”

“But these are my favourite one,” Even definitely did not whine.

“They’re also kind of ugly. But you’re still the most beautiful boy to me,” she said with a hand on his cheek.

“Ugh, not helpful, mum!” Even cried as she left his room.

 

*

 

He’d settled on denim jeans instead, but left the rest on. He’d taken the tram and was waiting for the boy in front of Eva’s house. He didn’t want to go in and get asked a million questions by the host herself.

He saw Jonas, Mahdi and Isak walk toward him. Isak was wearing what looked like the tightest fucking jeans on earth. Fucking hell. His shirt was not as tight but definitely tighter than his usual large shirt. He looked delicious.

“Halla,” Even murmered rapsily to Isak.

“Hey,” Isak said as he put his hand in Even’s, leaning into him.

“You’re cute,” Even told him as he proceeded to kiss Isak’s cheek where it was already in Even’s favourite pink shade.

“Bro, the PDA” he heard.

He looked up and saw Jonas looking at them, while Mahdi looked like he was already bored out of his mind.

“What?” Even asked as Isak leaned more into him.

“Dude, he was kissing his cheek not eating him out, chill,” Mahdi told Jonas.

“Oh my G-od!” Jonas cried, putting his hands over his ears. “Isak you know I have no fucking problem with you, but I definitely don’t want to hear about that,” Jonas said before going into the house.

“What the fuck just happened?” Isak exclaimed.

“I think Jonas has a slight problem with PDA. We should have fun with that information,” Even said with a smirk. Isak looked up questioningly. “Well, he did spend twenty minutes talking about eating a girl out, it’s just fair if we make him pay.” Isak agreed, and they both went in, still laughing.

Inside the party was in full swing. Jonas and Mahdi were nowhere to be seen. Even led them to the kitchen where the beer would be.

 

They were talking while sipping their beers, leaning against the kitchen counter, when Eva arrived in the kitchen, Noora following closely. Eva threw herself at Isak.

“Oh Isak, I’m so happy you could come,” Eva slurred, already drunk. “It’s too bad you like dick because I would have introduced you to Noora, do you know Noora?” Eva asked, an arm around Isak’s neck and the other flailing around in Noora’s general direction. The blonde girl was grimacing.

“I think you need to drink some water,” Even said starting to look for a glass.

“Party pooper! I don’t need water, I need beer! And dick!”

“Oh my G-od,” Isak said as Eva left the kitchen, barely keeping up with her own feet. “What the fuck did she drink? It’s not even 22:30.”

“Wine, beer, and vodka at one point,” Noora answered with a sigh.

“You guys need to keep her in check,” Isak said.

“Which guys are you talking about? Me? Sana? Chris? Because last time I checked we both identified as girls.”

“Jesus, you know what I mean.”

“Sure, sorry. I’m a bit on edge.”

“Why?” Even asked her. She was looking worriedly in the direction Eva had disappeared to.

“It’s just that when she drinks that much she usually does a lot of stupid stuff, like hooking up with fucking Penetrator Chris,” Noora said, her voice around Chris's name sounded like snake’s venom.

“She does that to, then?” Even asked, looking at Isak. The younger boy pushed Even away, rolling his eyes. Noora looked at them weirdly before leaning against the fridge.

“How are you guys doing, anyway?” She asked them.

“Er- we’re fine,” Isak told her.

“We’re brilliant,” Even said, happily just to see Isak roll his eyes again.

“Good, good, good. Hey, Isak how long have you been friends with Eva for?”

“I don’t know, for about three or four years, why?”

“Has she, um,” Noora stumbled around her words, cheeks flushing slightly as she looked between Even and Isak. “Has she ever said that there might be a slight possibility for her not to be attracted to boys only?” The question was followed by silence, besides the pumping of the music outside the kitchen that was. Isak was looking at Noora with wide eyes, while Even just felt an urge to hug Noora. He knew the feeling. “Well?”

“I don’t remember her saying anything about it, to be honest.”

“Oh. Okay,” Noora said before starting to walk away.

“Hey, Noora,” Even called. When she turned around he walked toward her and said in a low tone so that Isak wouldn’t hear, “you should really talk with her. If I hadn’t talked to Isak I’d still be where you are,” he told her with a smile.

“Thanks, Even.”

“What was that?” Isak asked once she had left the kitchen.

“Nothing, it’s just that I was the same.”

“What do you mean? Did you have a crush on Eva?” Isak asked, grimacing. Even snorted.

“No, jeez. I mean with the unrequited crush feelings,” Even told him before giving Isak a peck on his lips. He took his hand and led them towards the makeshift dancefloor.

“Even, I’m not dancing, not tonight, not ever,” Isak shouted in his ear once they were in the mass of dancing bodies.

“I’m sure I could convince you,” Even whisper-shouted into Isak's ear. He felt the curly haired boy shiver. When he leaned back, Even smiled at him before putting one hand on Isak’s waist, bringing him closer.

Isak was so close to him he felt his hot breath on his cheek. Even made them both sway to the rhythm of the song playing. He slid one of his legs between Isak’s. He felt one of Isak’s hands grip his plaid shirt while the other was around his neck. The air was heavy and hot, and Isak’s body against him was starting to make his own body react. He shifted a little and his half-hard dick rubbed against Isak’s thigh.

Isak gently pushed on his torso so there was some space between them. Even started to freak out, thinking that he maybe went too far, they were in public after all and their friends were there. He started to panic until he saw the look in Isak’s eyes. It made his heart miss a bit and his dick to become fully hard.

Suddenly, someone bumped into Isak who turned around to say something but the bodies around them pushed them together again.

Even gripped at Isak’s shirt on his waist. This wasn’t a good change, he felt like he was going to explode. He was very much turned on by Isak, his dilated pupils, and his ass in his sinful jeans. That same ass which wiggled against Even’s crotch. Even hissed and grabbed Isak’s waist stronger for him to stop.

Isak turned his upper body around while his lower body stayed glued to Even's front. The younger boy’s eyes were almost black, and he was smirking. He put his hand and arm around Even’s neck, the skin of which was in goose bumps from the contact and the tension. Isak’s lips brushed against his ear. Even bit his mouth to swallow his moan as he felt Isak’s breath.

“I thought you wanted to dance?” Isak asked in a hoarse voice, as he started to sway both of their hips.

This boy was going to kill Even. He turned his head toward Isak who still had his lips to Even’s ear. It was when he felt the tip of Isak’s tongue on his lobe that he put his hand on Isak’s neck to turn his face to him.

They shared the most heated look they had ever shared before Isak leaned in and brushed his lips against Even. Even opened his lips, expecting Isak to kiss him, but he seemed to have other ideas in mind. He felt Isak’s tongue licking his upper lips, then his lower lips, to finally bite gently at it. Even moaned, the sound drowned by the music. Isak must have felt it because he felt his smile against his lips.

Isak freed his lower lips from his teeth. Even couldn’t take it anymore. He pushed his lips violently against Isak’s. The younger boy returning the kiss, full force, pushed his ass against Even’s hard-on, which caused both of them to moan in each other’s mouth. The angle was awkward and Even knew that if they didn’t stop now, there would be two possible outcomes: one, Even would blow his load on the fucking dance-floor and he would have to walk around with dry jeez in his pants, which would probably show on his jeans and that was just not a possibility; two, someone would stop them and they would be both hard, and laughed at by their friends. Damn it.

“Isak, Isak, stop,” Even mumbled between their lips. The music was too loud, and the bodies around them were pushing too much, the heavy smell of booze and sweat was unbearable. Even said, louder, in Isak’s ear, “we need to get out of here.”

Isak nodded, his iris had almost swallowed all of the beautiful green in his eyes, and Even assumed that his eyes weren’t doing any better. When they were out of the house he saw Isak walking oddly, his hands on his front. Even smiled.

“You’re okay there?” Even asked him, his voice sounding rough to his own ears, nodding in the direction of Isak’s crotch.

“Shut up, we need to get to your house,” Isak told him.

“ _My_ house? Why not your flat?”

“Eskild has someone over,” Isak said, grimacing.

“Okay we can go to mine then, my mum sleeps like the dead, anyway,” Even said, and that was it.

 

As soon as Isak closed the door, Even had turned him around and pushed him against the door. He looked at Isak’s eyes to try and catch any sign of doubt or anything that would make him stop but all he saw was the same lust and desperation that was in his own eyes.

Even captured Isak’s lips in his and he walked backward toward his bed, taking Isak with him, never separating their lips. The back of his knees hit the mattress, so he sat on the bed, finally disconnecting their lips. Even looked up at Isak from where he was sitting. The latter was looking at Even with hooded eyes, his mouth open, lips shiny. Fuck. He looked so good.

Even was only human, and his eyes fell to Isak’s crotch where the tight jeans didn’t do anything to hide the outline of Isak’s dick. Even licked his lips before tracing these outlines with his fingers, barely pressing them against the jeans.

“ _Fuck_. Even, you’re fucking killing me,” Isak whispered, he already sounded wrecked. Even wanted to _ruin_ him.

He unbuckled Isak’s belt and unzipped his jeans. He slid the jeans past the younger boy’s thighs. They were creamy white, covered in blond hair, Even couldn’t resist but lick them.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he heard Isak say again.

Even pushed his forefingers under the waistband of Isak’s briefs. He took a breath to calm himself. The only sound was of their hard breaths filling his bedroom. The (very) clear outline of Isak’s hard dick was too tempting for Even, so he licked it through the material. He heard Isak’s broken moan and saw his hands gripping his shirt. That would not do.

He slid Isak’s briefs to where his jeans were, his hard dick right in front of Even, right there for him to _take_. Even looked at Isak and raised an eyebrow in question to which Isak nodded. That was all the confirmation he needed.

He leaned down, licking from the base of Isak’s dick to the head. Isak moaned again. Even took his hands in his and put them in his hair before taking the head of his dick in his mouth while his right hand was stroking the base of it. Isak moaned louder this time. Even pulled off with an obscene sound.

“Isak, baby, you need to be quiet,” Even told him.

Isak was about to reply when Even took him in his mouth again, this time Isak bit his lips and swallowed his moans while his hands gripped Even’s hair, which made him moan around Isak’s dick.

As he bobbed his head up and down Isak’s cock, he felt his own hardness rub against his jeans. The friction was not enough to make him come but Isak pulling his hair and coming in his mouth while moaning brokenly sure was. He came in his jeans, untouched, as he swallowed Isak’s come, moaning desperately.

He let himself fall down the bed, panting. He heard some noise and then Isak was right there wiping the rest of his come off of Even’s cheek.

Once he was done, Isak came to lay down next to Even. When Even felt his hand on his stomach, going down to his pants. He took Isak’s hand in his, stopping him.

“Let me help you out,” Isak said, sounding properly fucked out. Even smiled.

“That ship has sailed.”

“Do you mean-“

“Oh yeah. Have you ever heard yourself coming?” Even asked, still enjoying the afterglow.

“Why would I ever do that?” Isak asked incredulously, sounding as sated as Even.

“I don’t know, but your moans, baby…”

“Oh my G-od, stop,” Isak whined, putting his head in his hands, probably flushing.

Even put his arm around Isak’s shoulders and put his head on his torso. He was pretty sure he was already halfway falling in love, and falling fast.

They ended up under the blanket, in each other’s arms, after having changed into something more comfortable. Isak fell asleep first to the rhythm of Even drawing small circles on his back with his fingers. The last thing Even did before falling asleep was thank his lucky star for putting this incredible boy in his life. He kissed his forehead and fell asleep as well.

 

*

 

When Even woke up he was alone in the bed. He felt a surge of panic hit him. He checked his phone, saw several texts but nothing from Isak. It was 9:43. He couldn’t have left yet. He got out of bed and out of his bedroom as he put a sweater on.

As he walked towards the kitchen, he heard voices coming from there. As he came into the room he saw Isak and his mum talking over coffee, both sat at the table.

“Er-“ He started saying…what, exactly? It had done its purpose anyway. Isak and his mum turned to him, both smiling at him.

“Your mum made coffee,” Isak told him as Even sat next to him. His mum gave him a mug. Even started to drink when he coughed.

“What's this? Are you trying to poison me?”

“Black coffee.”

“Jesus, can’t you both drink normal coffee?” Even asked as he got up to get some milk, sugar and honey.

“That’s what you get for not telling me that Isak was going to stay here for the night,” then she turned to Isak and told him, “not that I mind, dear.” Yup. His mum loved Isak. Old news.

“Yeah, I forgot to tell you, it was a…spur of the moment thing,” Even said, cheeks flushing. His mum squinted at him. Now or never. “Um, yeah, because Isak and I we’re, um, we’re together,” he taken Isak’s hand in his, above the table, as he’d said the last words, just to prove it. Also, because he wanted to hold Isak’s hand. He had nice hand. His fingers. Against his lips. Damn it. Not now, Even, focus. Even shook his head and looked at his mum. She was smiling at them.

“Finally!” She exclaimed. “I mean, how long were you going to walk around crushing on him like a teenage girl?” His mom, everyone.

“First of all, that's kind of sexist. Second, I’m technically still a teenager. Third, don’t be rude to your favourite son.”

“You’re my only son.”

“Exactly.”

“You’re walking a dangerous path, young man.”

“The path out of this house.”

“Over my dead body.”

“Isak, get my gun.”

“Oh my G-od, you two are impossible,” Isak said, laughing loudly. Even and his mum followed quickly. Even felt good, happy.

 

*

 

After they’d talked with his mum for another half an hour, she went to get dressed and so did Isak and Even. They’d decided to take a walk. It was Sunday, and the weather wasn’t so bad.

They walked aimlessly until they arrived at some park. They sat on a bench as Isak was, once again, babbling about alternate universe. A laugh bubbled out of Even.

“Why are you laughing?” Isak asked, poking him, leaning closer to him.

“You keep talking about these alternate universes.”

“I know, they’re amazing.”

“Actually, kind of scary,” Even told him, playing with the blonde curls.

“But they’re so interesting, don’t you think?”

“In what way? Because for me it just makes me feel like shit about what could have happened or what I could become, or maybe somewhere we’re not together or something like that.”

“Think about it like that: at exactly the same time in every other universe, there is an infinity of Isaks and Evens laying down, or sitting on a different bench or at a table. It doesn’t matter where they are or who they are compared to us. What matters is that all of them are together.” Isak finished as he looked up at Even, his eyes shiny.

“Fucking hell, I think I’m falling in love with you,” Even blurted out and regretted it immediately as Isak’s eyes went wide.

Even opened his mouth to backtrack but the last thing he knew, Isak pressed their lips together. Even instantly closed his eyes and brought his hand on Isak’s cheeks. When they separated Isak was smiling.

“I am too,” he told Even, who smiled.

 

Yes. That’ll do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END
> 
> Can you guys believe it?
> 
> This chapter is long as fuck because as you can obviously see it is the last one. I hadn't planed on a certain number of chapters, but it's hard for me to concentrate on a million things for uni and on this, so yeah, eight chapters it is. I fucking hope there aren't too many mistakes. I proofread myself so, if there are, that's why. Also I'm tired as fuck, it's 23:00 here.
> 
> This one's different than all the other chapters, because I'm more comfortable with them as characters of my stories, also there's smut. Kind of, is blowjob even smut? Let's say that it is. I've never written sexy scenes ever so I hope it wasn't too rubbish. Also, yeah, i inserted that scene with that asshole of a homophone from S04E10 because I find that scene so important for Isak and Even. ALSO, yes, very important: open end for Nooreva y'all. I'm still convinced they're secret girlfriends. 
> 
> So I hope this doesn't feel rushed, because I spent several days writing these 7k words, and I loved writing it. If you want to feel my vibe, I listened to the cover of Urettferdig by Ylva the whole time. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, tell me what you think!
> 
> Thank you again for the love on this fic and see you on the next one ;) <3


End file.
